Magnetism

5- freedom

Growing up I had always liked guys. From 4 year old play ground gossip on which one I'd marry, to young teenage crushes: it had always been guys. But then it was guts for everyone. I could appreciate the attractiveness of females but I always dated males because that was my dating pool. It came naturally and it's what every other girls did so I went with it. I wasn't special or different, my attraction was genuine making it even harder to distinguish what liking girls truly meant for me.

I guess I don't like to think of before Ivy, the way I shut down the questions that wandered into my mind when I least expected it. But then, like women and knowing that feeling is liking woman are entirely different.

Ivy changed so much for me. There was never a maybe with Ivy. From the day I kicked eyes with her in the corridor I knew there would be no in between or talking myself out if anything. Her and I. Nothing else mattered. She turned my world upside down. The small village is grown up in has grown slightly but my perspectives changed incredibly. And I never questioned that.

Not once.
*
*
She walked with me for a couple of minutes until we were faced with a wooded band stand. It wasn't a massive structure but it did look awfully out of place in the middle of icy, green grass. The band stand had grippy flooring and a structured room with all open sides. To look at it wasn't much but as soon as I stepped in I saw why Ivy took me there.

At the other end if you looked out you could see everything. Stretched out in front of me was feilds upon feilds, a dimming sky and the small town we had just driven away from. We were on the edge of our village, still inside but for intensive purposes outsiders looking in. I saw the stream we had walked to further down along with Ivys house estate. More then any of that it was quiet up there...empty. I could breathe again and I was free. If I wanted to scream or cry or laugh or even just watch I could and no one would ever noticed.

I stood and looked out as the wide open space and couldn't help but smile. It was it, it was everything; I could see everything, and so clearly. Even when the breeze picked up slightly and I could feel my blonde hair beginning to blow behind me, it was just beautiful. I had almost forgotten Ivy was there, I was too distracted with every noise around us. But as I turned around to look at her again she still was; her back was leant again one of the structural poles and her arms were crossed. Ivy was quiet as I experienced my new found joy and I barely noticed her walk up to me. The creek of the flooring alerted me to her movement but I couldn't peel my eyes away from the view. Not yet anyway. I let her stand comfortably behind me and wrap both her arms around my hips. My head rested just below her shoulder and together we watched as the sky continued to dim and I continued to breathe.

For a while I didn't notice the cold. Being stood there with Ivy tucked around me and the view to grab my attention I had no reason to. However after 20 minutes it crept onto me, slowly biting at my feet and nose and working it's way to my arms and hands. I didn't want to ruin it though. Right then, in that moment everything was perfect and I wanted nothing to change.

After another few minutes it became less easy to ignore, my trance was broken. The darkness had practically taken over the sky and the cold was present throughout me. Without a word Ivy guided me round so that I was facing her. A sudden warmth engulfed me as I looked up at her to meet her gaze with my own. A lifetimes worth of freedom in her eyes.

"Come one we had better get going" she said, not breaking eye contact once.

I took one more long look over the view, trying to capture the moment as if that could make the memory not leave my mind. But I could see my breath hanging in the air and the darkness was travelling towards us at a faster rate. My body followed Ivy back to the car, seemingly unable to not to what she said I said sat down inside.