Magnetism

27 - puzzle

'The more I know of the world, the more I am convinced that I shall never see a man whom I can really love' - Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen

That quote meant nothing to me. Past tense. Before Ivy I visioned men as the ultimate goal. A heterosexual marriage was task to complete, an event I must make happen. But that was before.

I think in a way Ivy opened my eyes. She showed me more of the world through her perspectives and opinions, she gave me small glances at a life I could have merely through her gentle words or the lightest of touch. But most of all, she showed me love. She taught me how to love someone without even knowing I was doing it.
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I looked at Alex straight in the eye as i digested exactly what she had said to me. Rage filled me - unexplained rage. It was as if my head was a kettle and she had just flicked the switch.

'Well the two of you have been doing" Alex paused with a frustrated sigh "see I don't even know what to call it"

"You don't have to know"

"No, but you do"

And that was it.

Alex was a good friend, she was my best friend. We had worked out any issues we'd had months ago but her logic, her need for rightness was once again causing a rift. Or at least that's how I saw it

Our day had been nothing but perfect, the two of us had linked arms and gone on a stupid shopping trip
in the small town square. The days between Christmas and New Year were filled with very little else, our random outing had become a regular occurrence throughout the years of knowing her because it was easy. We'd had fun, we'd laughed and we remembered what it was like to be just us again. But then I brought up Noah, which led to us in a coffee shop talking about Ivy.

"I don't need a label" I stated in the calmest voice I could muster

She nodded "are you sure?"

And I nodded.

"It's getting late, I need to go home"

And her eyes changed, they widened into pools of sympathy. Each blink gave of a pitying wave and so I turned my head

"Brooke don't be like that"

"I'm not" I mumbled as I stood "I just have to go"

Cold air is a clarifying thing. It produces a shock that means that just for a second it is the only thing your body recognises. It stops you from analysing the heavy words of your friends, it stops questions darting through your mind, it gives you a moments peace.

Of course, if didn't last. As soon as the initial shock subsided Alex's words crept back in. 'So what are the two of you?' Rationally, I knew it wasn't a severe question, it wasn't meant in malice, it was merely curiosity. It wasn't something I had even thought about before then, nothing that I had thought to question. What were me and Ivy?

The walk home was short - far too short. I needed longer, I needed longer to clear my head. So I found myself passing my house and walking towards the one place I shouldn't have been going.

Reality set in as soon as I approached the house, the massive mansion that hid the annex behind. Truly I was an idiot. Darkness was well on its way, 4:30 and I could barely see two meters in front of me without the street lights. I had no other option. So I kept going to the annex only hesitating slightly before knocking on the door.