Magnetism

52 - birthday

I laid in bed looking at the time 11:58pm 9th March: I squeezed my eyes shut, longing for time to stretch, to prolong so that tomorrow never had to happen, to re-live the last 2 minutes of today over and over again. But when I looked again it was 11:59, and like every other year time had escaped me. It was in these valuable few moments of peace, that I reflected on everything what I had done and what was yet to happen for. Exhaustion never applied then, it was an impossibility to sleep. In my younger years it would have been for a different reason. 8 year old Brooke, would have forced her tired eyes to stay open as excitement wanted to make it to the second I was a year older. I made it once, my eleventh birthday - Seb must have been just about 3, Ella not quite born, but that was the last year I really got. The next one I was in secondary school, my life changed and confusing and the responsibilities more.

I recall that birthday well, Seb came knocking his small hand clenched into a fist holding about 5
flowers from the garden. When I yelled to come in, my careful brother approached my bed clutching these flowers as if he couldn't have been more proud. His hair was brighter blonde then, his eyes alive with a childishness you can never get back.

When I looked again at the time 0:00 glared back at me. I sighed and watched it it turn back to black, plummeting my room into blackness, with the exception of one bland of light, from the streetlight directly outside. But no sooner had it done that, did it illuminate again. I turned to the light, only ti see a text message. Ivy's name on the screen:

Happy Birthday

I don't know what I did to deserve you, no one will ever deserve you. I hope you have a wonderful day and it's everything you want. There is noone who will ever deserve it the way you do. I know you don't like your birthday but it's my new favourite day of the year, well it's always been my favourite day but I've only just realised it xx

I re read the message again, unsure how I ended up with someone so unconditionally kind. Ivy was the exception to every rule, and there wasn't a moment with her that I could ever forget. I smiled as I read it the third time, my eyes dropping shut, the promise of seeing her tomorrow a comfort.
*
*

As I woke up, I was met with the instant eerie feeling of something unsavoury. I blinked and moved myself further into my lavender duvet while pulling my brown fluffy blanket onto me. For a few more blissful moments, I forgot. Reality didn't set in and I escaped the prospect of the day. But nothing lasts forever, and as soon I had even a hint of what today was. I let out a grown in my pillow.

I pulled out my phone, and saw Ivy's message from the previous night. I re read it once again and smiled, before replying with a thank you and a coffin emoji. 7:56. In 4 minutes, an excited Ella and Jack would start knocking, followed by an embarrassed looking Seb. Usually my parents waited downstairs, well one of them and then after I'd eaten would either take the kids to school or then go upstairs to sleep off their night. They'd be back for lunch, apologetic as ever, not that I even needed or wanted an apology. In as many ways as life always seemed complicated, there was a simplicity to it a routine that I was used to.

Sure enough, at 8:01 am I heard the all telling creek of three kids, well two, bounding up the stairs. I sat myself up, just in time for the brutal knock at the door.

"Yeah" I called

And the door swung open, and two kids came running into the room. It was crazy how much Jack had grown this year from last year. He was keeping up Ella, his small legs no longer struggling to jump up in the bed. Ella catapulted onto me first. And immediately I held out my arms for her and Jack. Once again, when I looked up I was surprised to not only see Seb standing by my bed, but my mum in the doorway, a small smile brushed on her mouth. I paid no attention, and concentrated on the giggling children in my lap.