Magnetism

29 - New Year

We both awkwardly stood there, in Ivy's doorway, Alex outside and me in, her eyes directly staring at my face and mine not able to look at hers. In absence of speech I moved to the side and ushered my friends into my girlfriends annex. Ivy, my girlfriend. A label, something to call us that was understandable to people in society. I was a girlfriend. And I had people I had to tell which included Alex and Noah.

"Where's Ivy?" Noah finally asked breaking the unofficial silence.

I looked around and shifted in my spot "in her room, she'll be out in a sec"

He nodded and we all just stood there. A triangle, the three of us, just stood there as if we strangers who had met awkwardly not the friends that we were.

"This is stupid" the words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them "every time we disagree on something it can't come back to this"

"You just keep walking away from things" Alex countered

"I know"

"So stop walking away"

She didn't get it. How could she get it? "It's not that simple"

Just as I'd finished Ivy came through from her room. She rounded the small corner and I noticed the tiny step back she took as she noticed me and Alex, and Noah, who had edged slowly further away. However, I didn't let her presence distract me, so I turned back to Alex.

"I'm just scared. Constantly"

"Of what?" Alex knotted her eyebrows together and kept her eyes on my face, maybe she thought that I would give it away.

"I don't even know"

She nodded, I could tell she didn't get it but at least it meant we were clear. On top of everything I had running through my mind I didn't need to be fighting with Alex. It was was like that would suddenly mean everything became too much, like it did a couple of days before.

A warm arm came around my waist pulling me in closer to another body. Vanilla and mens deodorant engulfed me and the feeling of utter content was unstoppable. Satisfaction ran through me, the sensation was just right. Ivy was just right. The perfect balance of knowledge and emotion. She had the capability to reason but also a uniquely large ability to empathise. Both intimate and sociable, just right.

"Are you guys ready?" She asked addressing Noah and Alex.

"Just let me use the loo first then yeah" Alex said walking out the room.

I tilted my head to look up at Ivy. She looked down raising her eyebrows.

"Can I borrow a jumper?

Her eyes rolled but her lips connected with my forehead. I was pulled further into her as her chest moved up and down, a small laugh.

"I left two on the radiator in my room"

I smiled at her then turned and left.

True to her word on the radiator was two jumpers. I slipped the white woollen one over my tight long sleeve top and was introduced to the smell of Ivy once again. It was the little things.

I walked out the room and as timing had it Alex stepped out of the bathroom. Her eyes again on my face.

"Brooke I'm sorry"

The words were unexpected but not unwelcome. From Alex's mouth it was strange, like she was finally admitting something.

"I don't mean to blame you but it's frustrating"

"Believe me" I sighed "I know"

She offered me a friendly smile, one filled with pity "how are you?"

"Overwhelmed, I haven't told me parents any of this and I need to"