Magnetism

34 - insane

'Sanity is a valuable possession'. I read the line and I felt a familiar chill set over me. Pulling Ivy's knitted blanket over me, I looked at the sentence again and underlined it with a clean line. Studying English literature forced me to read books I would never have thought twice about, and The Handmaids Tale was no exception; a story of a dystopian future where womens rights and all freedoms were reversed. I hated the book, the novel was infuriating so much so it stuck in my head. What was Atwood saying? What did she want us to take away?

Out of context that quote would mean a lot to me. Sanity - the ability to think and behave in a normal and rational manner. Maybe I had lost my sanity, for not considering the consequences for the actions, the sentence, that meant I was no longer at home. I hadn't thought that I would be asked to leave by my mum, my mind hadn't gone there, even for a second. I also hadn't thought Ivy would embrace me the way she did; no fuss or complaints. My girlfriend was remarkable, an incredible force of a woman that I have the privilege of being close to.

Perhaps sanity was overrated.

Inside of context, I think Atwood was trying to show us the power of the mind, what it was capable of us. Our minds provide us with so much, and if you take that for granted, if you don't care for it you are subjected to the consequences - insanity. So much alike my phone and the blanket I was wrapped up in, it could be taken away.

In my head I drew a likeness to love. Sanity was not something to be taken for granted, a 'possession' Atwood called it, the metaphor many used for the people they care most about. "that's my daughter" my mum had once said. It's to be treasured and appreciated, because you never know when it will fade away.

"What you reading?" Ivy asked coming through from her bedroom.

I looked up at her and immediately closed my book. Ivy was wearing just a black Calvin Klein bra and underwear. She was heading over to the tumble dryer, where she would no doubt tug on a pair of loose jeans and sweatshirt. I watched as she moved across the room, her confidence astounding and a joy to see. My eyes still did move from her and she turned around and looked at me expectingly. Ivy raised her eyebrows at me...

"The Handmaids Tale" I replied

She smirked at me as I looked her in the eyes, purposely looking away from her boobs or her light abs or even her collar bone. Ivy being ivy, winked at me before finally turning around and taking a pair of jeans out of her tumble dryer and pulled a pair of un-ironed jeans onto her.

"I didn't do that on purpose" she mumbled as she sank next me shrugging on a navy sweatshirt.

"Mm hmm"

"I promise"

I took the unexpected opportunity to move closer to Ivy, to feel her body next to mine. But it wasn't enough. I wanted more and as I looked up into her eyes I saw the same look in her eyes. Reaching up a bit further I pressed my lips to hers.

She kissed back, guiding me turn. We were breathless as we pulled away, a look of awe in Ivy's eyes. I took the moment to appreciate my girlfriend. To examine the damp hair that was tucked just out of her eyes and the genuine smile on her face, that was the reason I came out. Because this couldn't be wrong, I didn't want to live in a world where what me and ivy had was wrong.

Then we were kissing again, accept I had moved. Straddling Ivy's lap with her hands on my waist, satisfaction the only thing that I could register.

"Fuck" ivy breathed

I felt my cheeks flame, not quite embarrassment but something along those lines. Ivy smirked with the realisation and brought her hand to my cheek.

"That's cute" she laughed