Magnetism

28 - us.

I couldn't bring myself to look at her as I said that, I didn't want to see her reaction or know what frustration I must have triggered within her. I looked away, I looked into my glassy eyes in the reflection. They had changed again, not dulled but deepened the green became something much more than a colour, indescribably they were filled with something else. Words had come out of my mouth that I hadn't even admitted to myself yet, a girl whose life I'd fallen into was subjected to hearing about all of it, and it opened something new. 

Movement in the corner of my eye dragged my gaze back to the sofa. Ivy wasn't there. The sound of breathe told me exactly where she was.

"Brooke"

My voice failed, it failed me as much as my words had.

"Brooke just look at me"

A strong hand was placed on my shoulder and gently guided my body into facing her. I kept my eyes level, I looked neither up or down, the perfect stage of neutral.

"Please"

And I did. All my stubbornness cracked under the pleading tone in Ivy's voice; she was both a weakness and a strength. She had the ability to ruin me yet all she did was give me power. That's all I saw on her eyes, a kindness that empowered me.

"I just feel everything right now" I whispered

"I know. Believe me I know" and we were automatically closer, we were drawn together "I feel so strongly about you and believe me I want to ask you to be my girlfriend"

A breath. I had to remind myself to breathe.

"Why haven't you?" I asked while a heat beginning in my chest crawled it's way up my neck onto my face.

"I'm scared"

"Of what?" I demanded.

Yet Ivy's face soften. She looked calm but her eyes had changed, no longer just kindness but instead a look I knew a lot about. Pity.

"I needed to make sure you wanted this"

"I do I want this"

She nodded but her mouth opened "I know you think you do, and believe me I want you to. But you'd be giving up something if you did"

"What?" curiosity, a dangerous thing "there's nothing I'd be giving up"

"The illusion of being straight"

I laughed. A laugh from deep within me emerged from my mouth. It was made from surprise, from confusion but also from Ivy's stupidity. The illusion of straightness, my heterosexuality wiped out. How much did people thinking I was straight matter to me? Did it matter to me? And why did Ivy think it mattered me?

Then I stopped laughing. I remembered before Ivy, when those questions came to me, they pressured me, made me squirm. My own mind tortured me because no I couldn't be gay, I couldn't be anything but happy with men - could I? Then ivy and I was no longer able to hide it. Attraction. It was my awakening. Except if it truly was those questions wouldn't have rattled me the way they did.

My straightness was something I'd protected, it was something I'd preserved until it was no longer possible. Rationally it shouldn't have taken that long to admit it to myself, yet it did. The illusion of being straight was something I had clung to. It was something I was still using.

"I don't want that"

"Brooke are you sure because-"

"I don't want to be hidden if I can't be with you. And I want more then this"

Cold hand met warm, Ivy was my warm.

"Fuck Ivy, I want more with you. I want more with you then I've ever wanted with anyone before"

Cold lips met warm. And warm turned to fire. Desperately our bodies touched, we both needed this. We needed confirmation that this was real and not inside our heads. Ivy and I. That kiss was our most passionate; it was filled with lust and care and everything in between. That kiss was an act of us.

It took energy to pull away but when we did I didn't hesitate to look up into Ivy's eyes. Dark honey gazed back at me.

"Brooke, be my girlfriend?"

"You only had to ask"
*
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"Is it okay if I stay the night?"

I felt a nod from my head accompanied with the vibrations of a small Ivy chuckle.

"When is it not?"

It was about an hour later and me and Ivy had wound up on her sofa. The night was impossibly darker but the warm light of a lamp kept us out of it. Darkness, the absence of light. Since I had met Ivy there had been no absence of light, I was kept out of the darkness I was given a candle instead. As I lay there I thought about that, the things Ivy had given me without even realising it; and that was the thing about Ivy - she didn't realise it.

My wandering mind wasn't a burden though, it was simply present. I was at peace. With Ivy's arm around me pulling me into the sofa, into her and my head sensing every breath she took it was enough to keep me grounded. So I allowed my mind to wander, carefully though.

"Up"

I ignored Ivy's word choosing to cuddle into her further, but apparently that wasn't her idea. Her arms pushed me and I was given no choice but to stand or fall to my demise. I glared down at Ivy and the smirk on her face but I could barely hold it for a minute. I struggled to hold any sort of irritation towards her; I especially struggled when she stood up and tugged me, with my hands, in the direction of her her kitchen.

"What do you want to eat?" she asked as if it had been obvious this whole time.

In response I shrugged my shoulder, a sign that I would just go along with whatever Ivy said.

She turned around and opened her fridge, her fridge. Her life was so utterly independent and while her parents owned everything in her annex it made Ivy's life more detached. Did they like that? Ivy did or at least to an extent anyway. I'm not sure it was a life I would have wanted for myself, my siblings and our closeness meant a lot to me it yet to Ivy that bound seemed less than necessary.

A contrast, our lives were contrasted. We were utterly different and yet they overlapped into something beautiful. I think that's when I decided that's what I'd call our relationship: beautiful. Maturity met playfulness and teasing, desire and wholesomeness came together. We were beautiful.

"Frozen pizza" Ivy questioned

I just smiled and nodded.

As Ivy began looking about her kitchen, I slid onto her island. Subtly checking her out, and by subtly I mean blatantly obviously but she was nice enough not to point that out, I just watched patiently. The way her brown hair fell or the way her left foot tapped quietly as she thought was nothing short of perfect. Eventually, my role of quietly watching ended and Ivy came over. Messy hair fell in her eyes and the front her dark green shirt had gotten tucked in her joggers making her look even more Ivy to me. She came close, close enough to I could wrap my arms around her neck and pull her closer yet.

It was as if I couldn't get enough of her, no amount would fulfil the need i had for her.The movement of her face let me know she was smiling, probably that smug Ivy smile that told everyone that she had gotten what she wanted.

"Tired?"

I nodded "something like that"

She pulled away from me, our eyes held eachothers and I could see that smile. That smile. Then me eyes were shut and I was kissing her, gently. Slow like we had all the time in the world, I suppose we did.