Magnetism

40 - honesty

Even when I'd been avoiding Ivy, I still looked forward to seeing her. The thought of her presence excited me, forced me to smile even through my nervous anticipation. Ivy had a way at doing that, subtly making my life better just by being in it and not even realising.

Awkward anticipation surrounded me as I waited for Ivy. It wasn't fear nor nerves just apprehension about seeing her again, knowing that I'd barely been able to interact with her without an overwhelming sense of guilt. I didn't tell Ellie that though, I pushed my feelings aside and smiled as she winked at my announcement that my girlfriend would be joining us.

I knew Ivy's drive would be short and it would take 10 minutes to arrive but when Ellie volunteered to keep me company I accepted with a sigh relief. Small talk could be tedious, sometimes it was painful but I embraced it fully as Ellie began once again. That might have been because it was her and she was interesting enough in herself for it not to bore me. The likely explanation is, however, that it took the edge off, it was engaging enough that my mind couldn't fully wander to other places and forced it to stay present.

"What are you thinking about" Ellie asked

"Huh?"

"Well I doubt you have any interest in kitchen cleaner"

I stared at Ellie blankly letting my obvious confusion answer her question.

"So" she repeated "what are you thinking about?"

"Ivy" I said as I watched my girlfriend approach the door

"That distracted thinking about her?"

"No"I murmured as Ivy opened the door "well yes but I meant look it's ivy"

Instantly, Ellie turned her her seat enough to make her blue- brunette hair flick into her face. But it wasn't her that I really looked at. Ivy, like me, had probably just missed the rain but she was still more messy then usual with her short hair jumbled on her head covering her forehead haphazardly.

A smile came to my lips as I stood and attracted her attention. As her eyes met mine, I saw something in them, something that made her pause. Her hesitation was momentary, but it's existence was most certainly there. But then it was gone, and Ivy walked over. I continued to smile and watch her as she came towards us, caution etched on her face. Then she was next to me looking to her left at Ellie. Tension filled the space between us, until there was no more space because I had pulled her into a hug.

I think it was her reflexes that initially made her hug back and pulled her gaze from Ellie back to me. As I breathed in, I couldn't help but recognise the familiar scent of vanilla and mens deodorant that distinctly Ivy's.

Then the image came. The memory of Ivy kissing me the way she had, her body hovering over mine a heat being shared between us, one turning into a small flame.

And then the hug changed, Ivy was the one hugging me. The smile I'd been holding onto slipped off my face and the sense of guilt, I'd had since waking up that morning, returned. I pulled away, looking up at Ivy into her eyes searching for some indication that she knew. I always did that, assumed Ivy knew that she could just tell. By no means did I ever think she could read minds, it wasn't like that but this was different; it felt like a lie, like I was telling her a huge lie and I was just waiting for her to find out the truth

Ellie didn't comment as we both sat down, she stayed quiet her eyes glancing from Ivy to me then back down to the empty sugar packets on the table. I didn't have to look to know that Ivy's eyes were on me; the familiarity of her gaze burning through me as I shifted uncomfortably in my seat.

"I didn't know you were with a friend" Ivy said, a note in her voice I hadn't heard before.

I turned to her scanning her face, "no I didn't mention it"