Magnetism

39 - distraction

I woke up to ivy in the morning, not next to Ivy, to her shaking me gently from sleep and bringing to reality. So maybe my subconscious mind wasn't as insignificant as I had thought. It may have meant that just the thought of going to lie next to the girl made me feel as if I were betraying her on some grand scale.

"Morning" Ivy smiled as I blinked the sleep out of my eyes.

"Morning" I mumbled

She reached her hand to my hair and tucked a stray piece out of my eyes "have you been here all night"

As I looked away from her my eyes caught sight of the glass by the sink, empty but used.

"Mostly" I shrugged "couldn't sleep"

Ivy nodded, small movements supposedly reassuring but all they did were make me feel so much worse. I had a secret, one I hadn't even known I'd been hiding. My attraction was undeniable, she knew that, but this was something different, something more, and I didn't know how to feel about it. I felt the presence of her eyes on me, as I sat up to look at my curious girlfriend.

For a moment longer I endured the pressure, the look of care from Ivy. Her attention and mischief rolled into one as her sleep consumed gaze met my own.

"Are you okay if I shower?" I asked trying to get up from the sofa but inevitably getting stuck in the cluster of blankets.

"Go for it" she replied "I'll get one later"

And with that I was gone.

I kept my distance from Ivy that morning, small glances accompanied with minimal conversation as we went about getting ready for school. My attention was fixed on her though, the way she made made me feel as she had hovered over me the utter confusion it caused as I saw her in reality sipping coffee or looking around for a sweatshirt. So I pushed it aside, I pushed it aside the best I could and before I knew it we were in the car on the way to school.

Quiet is the only adjective I can use to describe the car journey that morning, I would say awkward except that would require both of us trying to ignore certain thoughts of the other.

"Are you okay" Ivy questioned as she broke the wall of silence I had built.

I nodded but didn't look at her, instead I kept my eyes looking out the window as small drops of rain began to come down.

"Yeah I just couldn't sleep" I answered.

"What time did you get up?"

"Probably like 1" I guessed.

The conversation died there, the quietness in the car countered by the patter of rain that insisted on coming down.

Once we were in the building, I let Ivy pull me in. I tiled my head just enough for a small kiss but then I was pulling away. I disappeared and headed for law as a refuge from my problem.

I joined my friends, Ollie to left of me and Ethan in front. They were engaged in conversation as I slid in my seat, the two may have been polar opposites but within the confines of our group they worked, it wasn't my place to point out their opposing morals or how the sentences they just say conflicted with each other so much it was impossible not to see. No, I kept quiet and slid out my black folder from my bag and flicked to the section we'd been working on last week.

"Good morning" Ollie commented as Ethan turned back around.

"Morning"

"Sorry I didn't see you last week"

"Last week?" I asked unsure what he was referring to.

"Yeah" Ethan countered bringing himself back into the conversation "we were kinda out of it"