Magnetism

45 - talk

Hostility meaning unfriendliness or opposition. As I sat across from my parents that's all I felt. We were in their space, on their terms and the faint feeling of threat surrounded us all. It was hostile.

My mum was directly opposite me, her hair pulled into a tight ponytail like the ones she'd wear to work giving her an even more serious aura. Next to her was my Dad, his right elbow resting again my Mums'. He looked tired despite being home all night sleeping, his hair was widely messy - they were polar opposites. I allowed myself to picture them in any other scenario, my dad in his thick white jumper could be Christmassy I suppose or maybe even a long walk that we used to go on when their work schedules were more family friendly. Mum on the other hand just looked tired, a look that I had seen too many times when she'd come in from work.

Mum broke the silence "We need to talk about all these changes"

"Changes?"

"You're announcement to me the other day" she continued

It's a difficult sense to actually explain, attraction. It's complicated and messy and so much more than appearance, what's more difficult if being able to explain how you can be attracted to both. For some people it's an impossibility and yet for me I couldn't fathom how you couldn't be.

As I looked to my parents opposite me, I wanted to tell them this precisely. I wanted to explain the beauty of the potentiality to love a woman. But there were no words, no words except the ones that could be used to describe the heterosexuality that surrounded them, our society, and this didn't do my attraction any service.

"I'm bisexual"

The statement was nothing bold, and still it felt like I was shooting a bullet, a bullet at close range that when through the two of them.

"But what does it mean?" my dad asked, fustration laced in his voice

"It's like" I trailed off trying to find the words to describe what it was like "I like people the way that you guys like women and men"

Mum interrupted "All people?"

"No, it's like how you are you only attracted to some men I'm the same just with both"

She nodded slowly, her body facing my dad.

"Why?" Dad pressed.

And it was a good question. Why? Why me? Why in this way?

"I don't know" I answered truthfully "but it feels right, like it wasn't a decision"

The room fell into an award silence, tension rose up between all of us. To trust or not to trust. I was the outsider, something new to be cautious of. Except I wasn't. I was the daughter they raised, they had just learned something new about me.

My dad sighed "But why is it all coming out now?"

"Now this Ivy is in your life"

Ivy. They thought it was all about my girlfriend, as if she could manipulate me into being gay. My perfectly kind girlfriend who stood by me, let me cry to her and held me when I needed it most. Never had I met someone in my life that I'd known for such little time and that I trusted so unconditionally much.

"Ivy helped me piece things together"

"Doesn't that seem kinda" my mum locked eyes with my dad "off"

"No" I stated

"Come on Brooke think about it" my dad sighed again

"No" I repeated "don't bring her into it, not when you don't know her"

"Do you know her though?"

I could see the glint in my mums eyes when she said it, she thought she'd won.