Can You Save Me? { Sam Pottorff }

Chapter 51 ~ You.. Us.. Everything.

Jazmin's P.O.V.

I watch as he walks outside and out of view of the windows. Sam, James, and Romeo are talking and watching as Romeo sketches something Sam has mentioned to him before.

I stand up with all the strength I have and walk out, hoping that no one will follow. I feel like he had the same thought, but I can't just let him be alone. That's the last thing he needs. That I need.

I feel selfish and needy, but I need him. He can't leave me just as much as I believe he doesn't want me to leave him. The past two days have been hard on him. I wish that I could make it all go away. If the pain he was enduring could somehow be transferred to me, I'd take it. I know him enough to know that he worries so much, that he cares for me. He doesn't need to as much as he does, on top of everything that he is going through in his mind.

I find him laying in the back seat of his car and my heart nearly breaks. It's happening again. His face is in his hands facing the side. He's shaking and breathing heavily. It tears at my heart seeing him this way. I hate that he has seen me be like this so many times, and I can't stand seeming it for the third time this week.

I open the car door where his legs are and squeeze in. I sit in the middle on the edge of the seat and close the door to keep the traffic noise from the streets out. He knows I'm here, but he makes no effort to acknowledge my pretense. I don't blame him. I rub my hand up and down his back and he begins to relax.

"Marley.." I don't want to say the wrong thing to him. I feel the heat through his shirt. It's fresh in here and outside, the sun isn't even out. "You're so hot." I lift his shirt up and put my hand on his hot skin. He flinches then gasps.

"I'm sorry." He sobs. "I'll get my shit together. I promise."

Why would he think that's what I want from him? I just want him to be okay. I don't know where these thoughts are coming from, that are making him like this. I miss my strong boy, but I can't miss him so much, because he's here. He is breaking down in front if me and I don't know what to do to help ease his pain.

"No. I'll stay with you." I press my hand down on another hot part of his abdomen. I run my fingers through his hair and he lets out another heart wrenching sob.

"Why are-are y-you.. How d-.. I can't." He presses his hands harder against his face. I can sense him feeling like he's losing control over his mind. I can just feel everything getting sucked out of him.

Instead of trying to pull down his hands, I lay down so that I can put my head in between his arms. I know that he needs to know I'm here with him. He needs me to be as close to him as possible.

I don't see why. Why me. Why he would need this from me. But I am willing to give him what he wants.. needs.

"I can be your tissue." I tell him. I pull my sleeve out in my fist and try my best to wipe away what I can. I hear the closest thing to a laugh that he can let out. "Look at me Marley."

"You don't get it." He cries. "You can't get it. You won't."

"Help me then.." I run my fingers through his hair. "Help me understand."

"I can't explain it." He takes a long breath that goes on for what seems like a minute. "Nothing makes sense to me anymore."

"Can I have a hug?" I ask him, knowing it's my best chance to see his face for a second.

He sighs and lets go of his face. He's red and his face is stained with tears. He wraps one arm around me and pulls me to his chest. He uses the other to cover his face again. I can only imagine how tired he's getting because of all his emotions courting through him. He isn't holding me the same way. He always holds me like he will never get to again. He has his arm draped around me like he doesn't want to hug me. I feel like I am forcing him to do something he doesn't want to do. Just because it's my birthday and he's like this, he feels obligated to give me what I want, which is a simple hug? I pull away from him and he coughs.