Can You Save Me? { Sam Pottorff }

Chapter 47 ~ drives me crazy

Sam's P.O.V.

"I'm here." I come out if hiding and give them a small smile. "Got you guys food." I set it on the kitchen counter.

It takes a few awkward seconds for them to stand up and move.

I walk to a still girl sitting on the couch alone. I sit next to her and poke her cheek that doesn't have that little shade of greenish purple. I wrap my arm around her waist and try to look at her face, but her hair keeps going in the way.

"Can you look at me please?" I know i sound desperate, but I want to see her face. She slowly lifts up her head and pulls her hair up and wraps it around in a fir me and secures it. She lifts up a knee and rests her head on her knee, with her face turned to me.

"I kind of feel a little broken." The words coming out of her mouth sound so dead.

"Why do you say that?" I rest my head her shoulder, making my face a few inches away from hers.

"Pills." Her eyes dart wide open. "I forgot my pills."

"Woah, woah. Settle down." I get her to calm down. "I'll get them for you right now, but why do you feel broken? I'm not leaving until I get an answer and if that answer makes me not want to leave you than so be it." I think I hear a hint of a laugh.

"I'm not broken." She shakes her head. "I have everything. A caring boyfriend. Most amazing best friends. A roof to live under. I have everything I need."

"But.." I know she has a catch.

"But I guess I don't want to let myself stay happy. You know that I really want to be happy. To have everything be okay. It's all falling into place, I'm getting there. But I'm scared. I know it will never go back to how bad it was, but I guess I always found that less was more. I could have had all the friends I wanted, but that was ripped away from me with a few simple words. Then I found out all I needed was Marley. Then you came along. Then the boys. Now James, Jeremy, Mark, Nate, then there's Nash and Cam.. I'm just setting myself up for.. abandonment."

"What do you mean?" I know where she's coming from, but I need her to make it more clear to me what's on her mind.

"A little part of me knows why I didn't bother to make new friends. I didn't want to make any and have them leave because of one of my problems or of what someone may have said about me." It looks like the words are coming out so easily, yet it's hard for her to think about it.

"You don't want to get to attached to this.. to us.. because you think we'll leave you?" I ask and she nods. "That isn't possible. We've said it many times before, you can't get rid of us easily." I see a smile.

"Thank you Sam. For not giving up on me yet. I'm sure I haven't made your last month with me very convenient."

"My life has always been a little boring. You brighten it up." I kiss her cheek and stand up to get her pills. I crush them and bring them back to her with a bottle of water. "Be a little happy please."

"I'm actually really happy." She smiles a little bigger. "Just scared about the happiness."

"Don't be scared. Just enjoy it." I advise her.

"I need to get something out and since right now is the way it is.." She looks around to find nothing. "I want to say it."

"Go ahead." I'm more than happier than to listen to her.

"Is disappointment so wrong?"

"Not always. We all have our reasons.. different cases."

"I told you about my mom and how she was.. How she treated me.. but it was only because she was disappointed. In what I chose. Everything I chose. You know hoe most moms hope yo have that girl they can dress up like a princess and stuff.. I wasn't that. I was for a few years but I got a little tired of it. She saw the signs, of me turning into my sisters in a way. She wasn't very proud of them either. She purposely tried to keep me away from the boys.. then when she finally got what she wanted, she didn't listen to me. She only listened when it interested her. That lasted for awhile until the full on bullying started. Pushing into lockers, tripping, stupid hair pulling. I would get home and she thought that I was right back with the boys. It was just hard to be around her. It was hard. Watching everyone grow up around me was hard too. I feel like she held me back. Now here I am and I know she doesn't like it, but it's not like she would try to understand me. The whole baby thing was bad enough. The way she looked at me hurt that day and still hurts now. And now here I am thinking about it, how I disappointed her.. but I'm doing what is best for me.. You get me.."