Jazmin's P.O.V.
It's been days since the whole Emma incident. When we got back to the house and James got that call, I locked myself in my room and haven't left since. Not for school, not for food, not for anyone. Even Sam couldn't get me to come out, and I sure did not let him in.
Marley and James said they were able to cover for me at school, but I told them they didn't have to. The most communication I have done with the outside world is with them. I only occasionally text them daily, letting them now I'm okay, because they threatened to kick the door down if I didn't respond.
The guys have been saying nice things through the door, but it only make me feel really bad about the whole situation. They shouldn't have to worry about something like this. They wouldn't have to if they never met me. They don't need this in their lives like I've said a million times before. It seems like the more I'm in here, the more they get worried.
I haven't been feeling like myself lately, and the pain in my whole body isn't helping me get back to myself at all. I don't even see myself the same way. My face looks drained from any color, and I'm usually very pale, so it may not be mucho notice, but the usual rosiness in my cheeks is gone. I have dark bags under my eyes from no sleep. I'm scared of anything that could happen in a dream. Frankly, I'm not ready for another nightmare. I've been having a lit of small ones, and I think soon enough it will escalate to a big one.
I should be bruised a lot more than I am, but it's like she hardly left a mark on me. What's noticeable the most is the burns on my back from the sidewalk and the cuts on my knuckles. She threw the first first punch, but I blocked it and ended up punching her the hardest I have ever punched someone without trying.
I still feel really bad about everything. For fighting back, for letting her get to me, for running away.
What was I even thinking? Where was I even going to go? Why was I being so stupid? Who was I running away from?
Everything kept telling me to walk away when I saw never. Just run the other way, like Marley said. But no, while my mind said go the other way, My body gravitated to her.
Will it always be like that? Me just gravitating to all these problems. I don't mean to do it, but it happens.
How would it be if I never fought her? If I never agreed to live with them? If I never went to the hospital that day? What if I never started to talk to James again? If I didn't agree to go to New York.. Spent Christmas with them.. If I never got an orange thrown at me.
If I never screwed up. If I was still the perfect person. If I didn't get humiliated in middle school. If I never was the person everyone despised me as. If I never mistreated everyone while I was friends with James and Marley. If I never even met them. If I never ruined my family's life.
What if I was just never born?
All these ifs that have been running through my head say and night are driving me crazy, but I always get set on the last one for the longest. If I was never born, this would have never happened. They would be living their lives, my family would still be a family, I wouldn't exist and everyone would be happy.
If only I had a way to make it that way. To fix everything, because I was the mistake that disrupted everyone's life around me. I can lie to myself all I want and tell myself I'm thinking like a crazy person, but the fact of the matter is that it's true. It all is.
Also, the fact that I'm laying in bed at 3:46 in the morning thinking about all this, in the dark, makes me feel like a crazy person.
A little light shines through the window from the moon or street lights or something so the room isn't all dark how I'd like it to be.
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Can You Save Me? { Sam Pottorff }
FanfictionJazmin Vega was an odd girl living in Los Angeles, California. Never really getting out. Not having many friends. She was okay with that though. She had some friends, but didn't think of them as real friends. Except for Marley. He's her best friend...