Can You Save Me? { Sam Pottorff }

Chapter 28 ~ It Was Kool-aid

Jazmin's P.O.V.

"There is no easy way to say this Sam."

"I can imagine." He says. "You don't need to tell me if it's this hard for you to say. I promise I wouldn't hold it against you."

"When I was 13, I walked home from school.. I took a short cut through an alley and I have no idea what happened. I woke up on the ground and didn't think much of it." I can't help the uncontrollable sobs that escape my lips as I keep going. "Someone did something to me Sam.. Someone did something to me and I didn't even know it for 5 years."

"Jazmin y-"

"It hurts so fucking bad." I put his hand over my stomach and just hold onto it for dear life. "It hurts so fucking bad Sam."

"You got pregnant?" The words come out of him in the lowest whisper I have ever heard.

"I didn't know. I didn't know." I can't stop the tears from falling nad he holds me tighter. "I ask myself all the time, how did I not know.."

"So there really was.." He loosens his grip on my hand and puts his whole palm on my stomach.

"There really was." I choke up a little bit but he calms me down. "My baby, was taken away from me, before I had a chance to know what it was. I don't rememebr a thing, but something I saw in a dream, that may or may not be real, but it happened regardless."

"Jazmin th-"

"I'm so sorry Sam. I'm so so sorry." I try to stand up but he pulls me back down.

"This doesn't define who you are."

"I told you that I was used and gross, Sam." I try to pull away again, put he brings me back down.

"No, no, no, baby please."

"Oh g-, oh I'm just so fucked up." I wipe my tears away a lot harsher that I should have.

"Don't say that." He grabs my hands and pulls them down, and makes  look at him, but I try to look away. It's so hard to look away from Sam though. I am drawn to him, whether I like it or not. "Please, you have no idea how wrong you are."

"But look at me." I know I'm the udliest crier in the universe, and that I do too much of it.

"I'm looking at you, but you look at me." I do just that, and can't help but completely fall into his arms seconds later. "I don't want you to think about what may have happened to you. You're here today. You're okay. I know that what you went through was by far not the best thing that could have happened, but you can't let it rule you."

"I know.." I cry into his shoulder. "I know."

"I hope you didn't feel like you had to tell me, if you really didn't want to." He tells me.

"I felt like I was keeping a huge secret from you. Marley and James helped me through most of it, but I just kept feeling guilty that I was struggling with this, and you had no idea. I felt like I was just lying to you."

"Don't feel that way, please." He pushes my hair out of my face. "The only thing that bothers me is that I wasn't able to catch that. Like that it was bugging you so much. I should be able to do that." Now it makes me feel bad that he feels this way. I hate that I am so good at hiding shit from people. It makes me feel so icky inside.

"Fuck this moment." I have thought about the term fuck my life for a long time and I find it hard to say that when my life wasn't as bad as it couldn't about it. Right now I just hate this moment. "Besides being with the best person ever."

"I'm here to you know." He confuses me. "Talking about youself all the time is a little selfish don't you think?"

"Oh shut up Sam." I wipe a way what's left from all the tears I shed after slapping his chest and I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I pull it out and see it's a twitter notification. "Oh."