Can You Save Me? { Sam Pottorff }

Chapter 38 ~ my bed may spell like boy

Jazmin's P.O.V.

A girl.

Jamey is a girl. She was buried.. Jamey was actually buried. I guess my mom wasn't that cruel after all, she paid for the burial. To bury such a small baby, that was barely existent may seem crazy to some but not to me, and I guess not to my mom either. I didn't want to go see her just yet. I couldn't. I just wanted to go home. I begged even though I probably didn't have to. Here I lay, with so much in my mind. Everything the woman said hit me hard, to the point where I almost ran out of the room. I stayed clung to Marley, never letting go. He has always been there, since the beginning. For him to still be here now is crazy.

As soon as we got home, I ran into my room and locked the door. Now I am all lone hugging a pillow, wishing it was her. The world is so not fair. My mom is so not fair. I am so not being fair to myself, putting everything else down when it's been done. There's nothing I can do.

Jamey. I want nothing more than to be able to hold her in my arms and tell her how beautiful she is, because I knew she would have been.

I just cry and cry into my pillow, wishing things could be different. So much crying, I just want to stop but I can't.

I feel comfortable telling the boys anything and I like that bit sometimes I just need a girl. Someone I can be a girl with. As much as I hate to admit, and I shouldn't be arguing with myself right now about it, but I am a girl and sometimes I do want to do girl things.

I pull myself up and slump to the mirror on the wall. I look like shit, but I wipe the tears and grab a tissue to blow my nose. When I makes myself look presentable I walk out of the room to find anyone.

I find Connor in the kitchen, making coffee that brings a strong smell to my nostrils that makes it less stuffed.

"Oh my.. are you okay?" He says worried when he sees me. He pulls me into a big before I sa anything. "What happened?"

"I rather not talk about it now, but Connor I need to ask you something."

"Yeah, anything." He seems so eager to here the question.

"I know you take privacy seriously and you know I'm close with her, but you know she's also a fan, but.." I try to find the right words but I struggle to get anything out.

"You're asking if Cindy can come over?" He says exactly what I wanted to ask of him and all the boys. I nod and take a deep breath after deep breath, as if I haven't in so long. "It's okay. She can come. It's not the first time someone has found out our location."

"Thank you so much Connor." I huge him. "For everything. I want to know about that meeting later, okay?"

"Okay." He smiles and lightly punches my chin. "I'll let the boys know."

"Thank you." I say again and go pack to my room, closing the door behind me. I call Cindy, because I like the sound of her voice more than seeing her name pop up on my screen.

"Hey Jaz, what's up?"

"Are you busy?" I ask not wanting to ruin any of her plans.

"No, I'm bored. I just finished watching like 24 Kian videos."

"Do you think you can come over? Maybe even stay the night."

"Wait.." I hear shuffling on the other end. "Where?" She asks sounding confused.

"The boys house?" It seems weird calling it that under these circumstances, but I feel if I say o2l house she'll have a heart attack.

"Are you serious? Is this a joke?"