Can You Save Me? { Sam Pottorff }

Chapter 56 ~ I'm sure of it.

Sam's P.O.V.

Kian and I continue to walk through the lobby of the hotel. It really is not a surprise that some fans have found out where we're staying. It happens more often then we'd like. They walk up to us with huge smiles on their faces, and I try to match them the best that I can.

"Hi Sam." The smallest of the group walks up to me first. I am more than happy to hug her, a part of me thinks. The other part wants nothing to do with anyone. It isn't personal. "I have been waiting for this to happen for so long."

"Looks like your waiting is over." I tell her and she smiles even more.

After meeting the rest, taking pictures, making quick videos, we leave them behind to squeal over maybe one of the best things to ever happen to them. I follow Kian out of the hotel, but it's hard to keep up with him moving so fast. I don't know why he all of a sudden cares about being late or not.

"They're going to get mad at us." Kian says as we walk around the building.

"So what." I mutter. "We're late. They can complain all they want but they can't change it."

"What has gotten into you?" He sounds worried. "Is this ab-"

"It's about nothing." I stop him. "I'm tired and want to get this over with."

He doesn't bother me about my bad attitude anymore. When we walk into the large room where everyone else is sitting around in chairs laughing, I feel a little better but not quite. Their laughs stop slowly as they see us. They look at me for too long for me not to notice. It makes me want to walk out. I don't though. I sit in one of the chairs and listen to the whole game plan they have. Talking to a million people, walking, jumping, joking. It's all exhausting and I want it to be over. And it's just rehearsals.

How sick is that? I'm tired of practicing for an event for people that have helped get my friends and I where we are now.

I put all my shit aside and focus on them. I laugh for the first time since we left home when Trevor does a handstand and falls on his ass. But it doesn't last long, because it was a one time thing and no one else does anything remotely funny. Or maybe not funny enough to make me laugh. Or maybe I just don't care at all.

Somewhere towards the end of it I feel like it doesn't matter. I shouldn't worry about it. It'll be okay. I really have nothing to worry about. I should just enjoy this time how I'm suppose to.

And I do. I go back to being me with them and they catch on that I am back to being okay. Or as good as okay as I can get. It may just be bullshit or not, I don't even know, but it's enough to keep me sane and everyone else at ease.

When it comes time to get ready, I am the first one to be. I am not eager for it to start but I am eager for it to be over. I take my time once we start to go to the event. Starting late will only make the event longer, but I don't want to see anyone. So when we finally go out to see the first group of people, I feel bad that I am faking. Not completely but a little. I can tell Connor is too. It's hard to see Connor that way. I wish things were different. I wish she was here.

"Is Jazmin here?" I am asked for the eleventh time. Yes, I've counted.

"No, she couldn't make it." I tell her, trying to sound as genuine as possible.

She gives me a sincere smile but it changes into a bigger one. "Can I kiss your cheek then?"

Why people think it's okay because she isn't here bothers me, but I say yeah and she takes the picture before running to the other side to Kian to ask for the same.

The rest of the night is going to be long and annoying, but I won't show it. I refuse to.

She is going through a lot. I know that. I get why she didn't want to come. I just want to get back and talk to her. I really want her to be here with me, but I couldn't just beg her to come. I didn't want to hurt her. She made me want to stay with her. I couldn't be angry. Sure, I was sad, but not angry. I wanted an explanation but I didn't really want to hear it. I didn't want to know what went wrong, but now I do.

I step aside to call her. She doesn't answer. I feel pathetic when I call again. It goes straight to voicemail so maybe it's dead or something. Yeah, that's probably it.

I'll talk to her when we get back. Things will get back to normal eventually, I'm sure of it.

"Sam, girls are asking for you." Kian says.

"Okay." I lift my phone back up to my ear. "Let me just finish talking to her."

"Oh.." He nods. "Okay. Take you're time then."

I hate lying to him but I don't want to go back out there. I call her again. Nothing. I call again. And again. Seriously, what am I doing? I thought I already decided that it was dead? But I call again. I am so pathetic. What do those girls out there see in me? I am ditching them, trying to call my girlfriend that left me a few nights, without so much of an explanation.

She drives me crazy. In good ways when I'm with her but in bad ways when we are apart. I wish I convinced her to come. We had so many plans. We had been looking forward to this for weeks. I couldn't believe her words.

I shut them out for now and go back out. I put on a smile that couldn't be less fake. No one notices. No one so much asks if I'm okay. I must be good. Really good at hiding the pain I feel inside.

~~~

woo, so what's on you mind???
there is a lot more to come. A LOT.
thank you for your support.
special thanks to SalDIRECTIONER for being here for as long as you have been.. which has been a LOOOOOOOOOOONG time. i love you. xx

- this one girl .