Can You Save Me? { Sam Pottorff }

Chapter 36 ~ frankly i'm tired of shit

Sam's P.O.V.

I just stand there and watch her as she runs away. I watch her call her. I see her walk up. I see them talk. I watch as Emma walks up to her but Jazmin makes no effort to move away.

Why do I let her do this? Over and over again I just let shit happen. I have no idea what's fucking wrong with me. I trust her too much. I am leaving myself so vulnerable and I know it. The feeling is familiar. So familiar it's sickening thinking about it.

But it was different. Acacia was different. I didn't need her as much as I needed Jazmin. Acacia wasn't there for me the way Jazmin is now. She puts everyone else before her. She let's me be with friends. When she's there, everyone is happy.

It's all different.

Except for my want for her. To be with her 24/7. To hold her as tightly as possible. To kiss her all the time. To have her all to myself. To protect her from everything. To defend her. To be there for her.

That's the same, but.. I don't know. Acacia made me feel that way with her words and actions. Jazmin just makes me feel it. She makes me feel like it's my mission to make her feel special. She deserves it and I want to be the one to make her feel it.

She makes me feel so much again. The feelings I had before were so dead and sorrowful. My feelings now are all over the place. I feel happy one second, then worried, sometimes sad for no reason, but she makes me happy again.

I look at her, standing there. I watch as she nervously tugs at the ends of my sweater. I don't know how long it's been but Emma begins to walk away just as I begin to wonder.

"Hey Emma!" Her voice fills my ears. "Go fuck yourself." Sounds the smallest whisper ever from here, but I hear the words clearly. I wonder if I was just imagining it.

She walks calmly back to me, giving me a tiny smile.

"Holy shit." I say realizing she did just tell Emma to go fuck herself.

"I don't think she won't stop for a while but what can you do when people are too hard headed." She shrugs. "You try so damn hard to get to people, but you can't force them to listen."

You can try all you want but you could never force someone to do something they don't want to. Even if it's the right thing.

"You want to buy junk food and have a movie night by ourselves until we fall asleep and regret it in the morning because junk food hangovers kill." I suggest holding my hand out.

"Best thing I've heard all night." She grabs my hand, pulling me as she walks ahead. "Or 2nd because it was pretty funny when Nash said blubberies instead of blueberries and that was really really funny." She laughs her infectious laugh.

We walk to the gas station that is not to far from the house and grab almost one of everything.

"Don't be shy with grabbing what you want." I urge her to get more. "Come on." I see the way she crinkles her nose. "One night of spoiling yourself won't hurt you."

"Diabetes must be hard right.." She surprises me by saying. "I know there's different types and stuff. They affect people differently. I hate stuff like that. Conditions, diseases, viruses, just anything that makes a human struggle. It all terrifies me."

"You get used to it for the most part. Don't think about that stuff. I know it sucks that you're healthy and other people aren't but we're all different. It just isn't fair. Things that aren't fair are hard to change. Things will change one day."

"I pray that things will change. For the better."

"We all do at some point. Pray for change." I say while grabbing to Arizona teas.