Can You Save Me? { Sam Pottorff }

Chapter 58 ~ you deserve better

Sam's P.O.V.

"I'm sorry, Sam. I really am." She says as she walks back and forth.

"Sorry for what? What happened?" I try to stop her from walking, but she moves away from me. "Jazmin, talk to me."

"I don't know. I just can't go." She waves her hands in the air. "I have things here. I can't go."

"Okay, but what things?" I step in front of her and she backs away and sits down on the bed.

"I don't think this is working out. I don't know how I feel anymore." She whispers. "I need to walk away and you need to let me. I can't go with you. In more ways than one."

What? I step back and meet the wall. What isn't working out? Walk away from what? I need to let her? She can't go.. with me?

"I'm sure you'll do fine without me. You do everything you do. Don't worry about me." She doesn't turn to me. "You'll do great, Sam. I know you will. Trust me when I say, it's for the best."

James walks in while staring at his phone. "Are you ready? Mark and everyone are in the c-" He stops when he sees me. "Hey, Sam."

"Okay, Sam.."

Her words repeat over and over again. Being away from her for days has been so hard. I tried to get over her and have fun, but it just didn't happen. I hated the distance and the silence between us. I don't want to think she was purposely ignoring me. I just need to see her and talk to her. I have to be with her.

"When are you going to see her?" Kian asks me once we enter the house.

Something seems off. I set my bag down next to the door and practically take one giant leap to her room. I know she isn't here, but I just have to see something of hers. It may be weird, but pictures just don't do her justice. I can't open the door though. For whatever reason, my hand won't twist the knob.

"Sam." Connor puts his hand on my shoulder lightly. "You aren't going to find anything."

Doesn't he think I know that? She isn't there. What will one of her shirts do? Nothing. I know I won't find exactly what I want, and what I want is her.

"Sam." Connor says again as I finally open the door.

I step away from the room instead if going inside like I had planned. When he said I wouldn't find anything, he meant anything. It's empty. Completely lifeless.

"You knew?" I gape at him. "Connor, how could you?"

"Exactly." He shrugs. "How could I tell you? You would have been in an even worse mood."

"That was very considerate of you." I snap at him. "Because all I wanted was for you all to lie and tell me everything is going to be okay. What fucking bullshit."

"We didn't lie to you." Jc steps in. Why does he need to get in this? I am so tired of the conversation already. "Don't talk to us like we're the bad guys."

"Not that she is. Sam, you can't just assume something. She told you how she felt." Connor steps closer to me but I continue to back away.

She told me that she didn't know how she felt anymore. That's never good. She said she didn't lie about anything when it came to us, and I believe her. I understood when she told me that she needed to spend more time with Marley and his family. I didn't ask why, because there shouldn't have to be a reason. They are her family. I can't keep her from them. I have kept her for a long time. The selfish part of me wishes I could forever, but that isn't healthy.

I understood when she told me that she didn't think things were going as good as they used to. I didn't understand how her feelings could change so fast though. How did that happen? I didn't want to believe that it was so bad that it couldn't be changed.

Seeing her room empty tells me it's far worse than I thought, or didn't want to think.. It's exactly the way it was before she got here.

Did she really want to get away that badly? She never answered any calls or any of my texts. She's been avoiding me for a reason. A reason I don't know. What did I do? I don't remember doing anything to her. I wouldn't do anything to harm or hurt her purposely.

"Okay, Sam. I really like you. There's never been a time that I haven't. It's just that I feel like I should be able to give you more than I can."

"No, you shouldn't think that."

"But I do and don't want to waste your time. You're a really good guy and this is really hard. I will always appreciate all that you have done to get me here today. I'm talking to someone for crying out loud. Two months ago, I would've panicked at the thought of talking to someone other than my family or Marley. Now look at me.. You helped me get here. I don't want to make this complicated. I just think it's time for me to go and try to do this life thing on my own. I thought anything other than us would be scary, but it isn't and that bothers me. I feel like I should be more willing to choose you over other things than I do, and you deserve better. I'm sorry, again. I have to go." She grabs her bag and stops in front of me. She looks up at me for the first time since I walked in and turns away and walks out the door.

I couldn't say anything to that anyways. I couldn't. I let her leave me. I let her go. I didn't fight. Why didn't I? She's all I ever wanted. How could I let her go so easily?

We haven't been together for very long, but I felt like we could be together for so much longer than this. I felt the connection we had, we did have one.

I don't want to think of it or her. Not now. I'm tired. My heart is pounding. I'm being judged by my friends that knew and didn't tell me. They didn't fucking tell me I was so anxious to come home to nothing. Nothing. I know that's not all I have left but right now, without her, I do feel like I have nothing. She was my everything.

I woke up and fell asleep with the thought of her every single night since I met her. It's crazy to think that was just two months ago. It feels like much longer. She made time go slow. She made everything better. Now what do I have to look forward to, if not her smile, laugh, faces.

I can't remember my life before her. I don't know what I have to get back to or how I'm going to do it. This is way different than anyone else. I knew we were right for each other. I never been so sure in my life. Could I really have been that wrong?