Can You Save Me? { Sam Pottorff }

Chapter 60 ~ frustrated with myself

Sam's P.O.V.

"Shut up!" I cover my ears to not have to hear Ricky and Connor's bullshit anymore. This has been going on for over half an hour and I want it to stop. I want them to stop trying. "I told you I don't care."

"You obviously do!" Ricky yells loudly so that I can hear him through my hands. I hate that he has to resort to yelling, but I keep telling him it's useless.

"I don't." I bring my hands down and point a finger at him. "You don't know shit, Ricky. I don't care, at all."

I know I'm a terrible liar. I'm just pissed and upset. Two things that are never a good combination for me. I hate being like this, but I just want to be alone. They won't let me be alone, so I'm trying my best to get them away by being as much of a bitch as I can be to get them to go away.

"Just calm down." Connor puts his hand on my shoulder and I shrug it off. I start to pound against the wall, so hard I feel something crack. "Sam, what is wrong with you?"

"What is wrong with me? With me? Really?" I pace back and fourth in the room. Ricky is leaning against my door and Connor is standing next to the window. I feel trapped. "What's wrong with me.. What's wrong with her huh? What did I ever do to her?"

"Nothing is wrong with her." Connor is quick to defend his precious best friend. "You did nothing, Sam. She told you that."

I don't know where all my anger is coming from. I just hate that they lied to me, went behind my back. Everyone did. Everyone knew, except me. How could they do that to me? I feel like shit.

"I knew it was too good to be true." I sit down on the floor and lean against the wall that is farthest from them. "How could I ever compete with perfect Marley?"

"Are you kidding Sam?" Connor snaps and steps closer. "How do you think they feel? You really believe they have been doing things behind your back? She's been with you day and night most of the time and everyone else was with them any other time. So that idea is stupid. They realized they have something for each other and you need to fucking accept that. They shouldn't have to feel bad for how they feel, because it makes you like this. I don't even know you anymore. You need to understand that shit happens. You win some, you lose some. She had the decency to break up with you before we left because she didn't want you to feel like you were coming back to something. She knew that she lost something for you, something important. You think that was easy for her? You know how much courage that takes? To do something, knowing you're hurting someone you care about? But you do it because it's in their best interest. Marley had been having a shit week last week and you know it. He needed her. She was there for him. She told me that he felt bad, but didn't tell me what for. It isn't hard to put the pieces together. He felt bad because he knew that letting his feelings out would 'ruin' things. He knew that it'd change everything. Keeping things in is the worst. Finally getting it out is a relief. Don't ruin that for them. They don't want you this way." He moves back to sit in the chair. He puts his face in his hands and I can instantly tell there is more. I don't know what else there could be though. He's already said so much that makes me feel so stupid.

If I really cared about her, I wouldn't be acting this way. I do care about her, a lot. Even after what happened, or what is still happening..

"Connor.." Ricky nudges Connor. "You alright?"

"I have to tell you guys something." He looks up with watery eyes, making me sit up straighter. I haven't seen Connor cry in so long. He doesn't cry. Not for just anything. "I love you guys, and don't want you two to look at me any differently."

"Why would we Connor?" I ask. I don't like judging people, especially my friends. Nothing he says would make my feelings about him change. Even him telling me off about Jazmin and Marley hasn't made my view on him change. At least not in a bad way. I respect what he just did. That he defended her and him. He kinda helped me understand a little more in these few minutes, even though I still hate the idea.