Before you go... //h.s

you broke me first

Harry and Maya got along well and he didn't make fun of Stanley either which gave him plenty of bonus points in all our books.

I felt bad, but I ended up bailing on Maya and let her go out with all our friends by herself. I just couldn't manage it. The idea of a crowded club, not a fresh breath of air to breathe was stressing me out and although I felt awful about it, I just couldn't face it.

I spent the evening lying on the floor with Stanley (Stanley's fishbowl was on the floor and I was lying). It felt like he understood, the sympathetic bubbles he blew made me feel he was feeling shit with me. A large chocolate bar lay beside me, gradually decreasing in size over the evening. I wish I could say that when I was sad or stressed I worked out or ate healthy food, but it was much the contrary: I ate chocolate, drank tea and lay in bed watching old films every day. Our sad playlist was on and as Tate McRae, you broke me first, quietly sang from my phone, I contemplated why it was getting worse again.

I was late to work again the next day, dark purple bags under my eyes shabbily covered with makeup.

'You're late Iris, I thought we'd moved past that stage,' Ash sighed as I entered.

'If you find me annoying, just imagine what it would be like to employ Maya,' I joked softly. He laughed,

'Maybe I should appreciate you more then...'

'You definitely should,' I agreed as I headed out to the front of the shop, apron on as I prepared to serve people coffee for the next 8 hours. I loved serving coffee, but it wasn't what I wanted to do forever. I wanted more, but the problem was that I didn't know what I wanted to do. I had spent many hours pondering the topic but I could never find a job that just called me. Even now, at the generous age of 23 when most people had a career, or at least a plan, I still had no clue. But it would be fine, everything always turned out fine.

'Espresso and a double chocolate cookie please,'

'Black coffee and a caramel frappucino,'

'Americano with almond milk thanks,'

'Latte with a cheese panini and slice of carrot cake please,' I smiled, nodding as each customer placed their orders. It may sound weird to some, but I found it fascinating seeing what different people ordered, whether I could guess what they were going to order before they asked. Whether their order fitted with their looks.

I was walking back from work when I realized that I would be home alone (with Stanley of course), Maya had sent me a quick mysterious text and said she wouldn't be back until 11 because she was 'busy'. No doubt that meant she was with some boy and I just didn't want to go home yet.

So I turned to go to Harry's apartment.

For the entire time it took for me to walk there, my brain was divided, one side saying go, be spontaneous, he won't mind. The other side, the more influential side, of my brain saying don't go this will only be disastrous and he probably won't even be there – he's probably busy.

I don't how, considering how much of a bad idea this was, but I ended up at Harry's building. Marvin, as I now knew the doorman was called didn't look pleased to see me, but the frown was no longer there which honestly made my day. He was probably beginning to recognize me and accept I was coming here more often.

Shyly knocking, I stepped back from the door slightly, the pressure in my chest raising. My eyesight blurred slightly, and the tips of my fingers numbed slightly. This was such a bad idea, what was I doing? It was triggering my anxiety; I could feel all my warning signs coming on. Fuck. Breath in for six...hold for four... breath out for four...in for six...hold for four...