Before you go... //h.s

Sweet creature

I ended up staying at Harry's overnight. It was the first time I'd officially fallen asleep there and not just accidentally slept on the sofa. But I couldn't sleep, despite the silk sheets and billowy mattress that was ridiculously luxurious. My mind was whirring, finding it hard to process that I wouldn't see Harry for a long, LONG time. He would be a 7 hour flight away...7, 7 hours to LA, it was a seven hour train ride from London to Edinburgh, where I'd gone to uni. Where my heart had been broken and I'd moved to New York. I'd always wondered whether I would have had the balls to move if he hadn't broken my heart. Hearts were a weird thing, a weird concept...and hearts didn't actually break, they couldn't, could they?

And this cycle of continuous, rushing thoughts continued on and on and on...not stopping and leaving me incapable of sleeping. I wriggled around from lying on my stomach to my side so I could check the time. It was 3am in the morning and there was no hope of me sleeping here, and I really needed sleep considering I had to be up and at work at 7 tomorrow... well this morning.

I shuffled out into his sitting room, hoping that the couch would help me sleep – I'd always found it easy to fall asleep on sofas. I went onto Spotify quickly, hoping to find a calming playlist or a sleep playlist... anything to help me fall asleep and I was getting more desperate by the second, my mind telling me:

4 hours until you have to get up.

3 hours 50 minutes until you have to get up.

3 hours 40 minutes until you have to get up.

Scrolling through Spotify, I accidentally stumbled on a song written by Harry on his first album. Out of pure curiosity, I turned my volume down low and pressed play. I'd never really listened to his music, but as soon as the opening chords began to be plucked, I was taken aback by how good this was. I mean, I'd never doubted it, but he was an amazing, amazing singer and his voice was the most shatteringly beautiful thing I'd ever heard.

We don't know where we're going but we know we belong. This lyric revolves around and around my head. What would it feel like to have someone love you so much that they wrote something so heartfelt and beautiful about you?

Two hearts and one home Did they live together? Or was he just saying they were half of each other, that their home was where the other was. Imagine what it would be like to live with Harry, waking up to his gentle smiles, him cooking me dinner and teasing me lovingly.

When I run out of rope, you bring me home I wanted to be his home, why couldn't he trust me like this, feel this way about me...my eyebrows furrowed in confusion, I wanted him to feel this way about me?

'Holy shit,' I said, in a quiet mumble of realisation to myself. No, no, no, this was so bad. I couldn't like him, especially not now that he was leaving. Leaving me all alone, my brain added unhelpfully. My eyes heated again, tears pricking and this time I let them slip down my cheeks, he was asleep, he wouldn't see.

It all made sense now, how he raised butterflies in my stomach and how when we shared a smile my brain flooded with endorphins. How he made me feel warm and comforted, how he made me feel overwhelmed but so full. I'd been so fucking stupid to not realise this before.

But he would never like me, not ever. I had no doubt all the women he'd dated were gorgeous, famous and loved around the world. Tall and skinny, who didn't eat a cheese toastie every night. Maybe it was a good thing he was going away, it would give me a chance to sort this out and so by the time I saw him again, I was okay to be just friends.

The next song came on and talked more about his love for a woman and how when she left him alone he didn't know what to do with himself. How he missed her, how even his phone misses her calls.

The tears began to fall heavier now, pooling down my face and a few landing on my t shirt. Shit, I was in so deep. I curled myself into a ball, my chest pressed against my legs as my arms wrapped around them.

I hadn't been looking for someone, I'd been very content single, but he'd just been so welcoming, so understanding...he'd made it hard not to like him: somewhere between sitting with him late at night while he hums his songs, somewhere between late night trips to the grocery store and watching old films with him, falling asleep on the sofa together...somewhere between all of that I began to like him and now hearing these love songs he wrote about other women is hurting me. We'd only know each other three months which is what made this so bloody stupid and embarrassing, but in those three months he'd managed to become one of the most important people in my life.

The soft padding of bare feet disturbs my silent tears. I can't have woken him, can I?

'Iris?' he asks softly, 'can't you sleep?'. I don't respond, not wanting him to hear or see my crying. Concerned, he walks around the sofa and sits next to me. It's only then that he sees the tears I'm unable to stop from slipping down my cheeks and his face drops, my hurt hurting him.

He pulls me into a tight hug, his broad chest and strong arms feeling comforting and warm, gently rocking me like a child and murmuring comforting things in my ear. He's trying his hardest to comfort me without knowing what's wrong, and it only makes it worse that he's unknowingly the problem. My tears don't ease, no matter how much I command myself to stop crying, embarrassed now that he can see him, so he pulls back.

Then I notice his hair slightly mussed from sleep and his bare chest. There's a butterfly tattoo right in the middle and I want to ask him what or who he got if for so badly...

'Listen to me Iris, please,' he pleads with me, worried, 'I'm here. Whatever's wrong, you're not alone.'

A single tear escapes down my cheek as I think that's just the problem, I'm so unbelievably alone and when he leaves to go to England, I'll stay here in America all alone. But of course, I don't say that and just desperately try to stop crying, to mute my sobs. We've scooted closer in the past few minutes, each of us inching closer and closer to the other.

Harry looks at me, a look I've never seen before. Somewhere between softness and indecisiveness, his green eyes are filled with the thoughts from his brain and for the first time I wish I could tell exactly what he was thinking as he seems to have an internal debate. But my questions were answered a second later as he leans forward and kisses me gently. His lips are plump and soft and this is one of the best kisses I've ever had, full of tenderness and longing...but he pulls away too soon,

'You're not alone, I'm here and I'll always stay. I promise,' he tells me quietly. My heartbeat races slightly and I can hear it pounding in my ears. He just kissed me, but only quickly. Was it just a one off or did he want more? He wouldn't want more; I didn't deserve him. My insecurities and questions floated around my head, leaving me unsure of what to do next.

But his lips had been so soft, so tender that all I really wanted to do was kiss him again. So, I leant forward and pressed my lips to his. His breathing hitched with a surprised breath as he was caught off guard. Of course he was, what the fuck was I doing? Just because he gave me a quick peck on the lips it didn't mean he wanted more.

I pulled away in embarrassment, but he moved forward again, reconnecting our lips and my stomach flooded with heat as my humiliation left me replaced by longing desire.

The kiss didn't last long, but it was deep, his tongue gently tracing my bottom lip before diving to meet mine. One of his hands rests on my waist while the other grasps my cheek, his rough palm possessively gripping me. I slide a hand up his broad chest into his already mussed, curly hair and run my hand through it, tugging ever so slightly.

The kiss ended to quickly, both of us a bit out of breath but happy, glad this had happened. I think we both had the same worried thought though; where do we go from here?

yay it finally happened!!
Hope u guys enjoyed this chapter bcos I felt kinda pressured to make sure it was good bcos it's a big moment .
Stay safe <3