Before you go... //h.s

Wait

^^ Wait – M83. Again, this song isn't played in the chapter, but if you play it, it makes you feel it more. Please trust me on this.

I finally calmed down enough that Will suggested he take me home before the dark falls and blankets our little town completely. Added with the crisp bite to the air that suggests it might snow as my bones slowly froze, there was really no reason to stay out.

My cheeks were still red, and tear stained, exhaustion hitting me from my earlier panic attack as we wound our way back through the small streets to my house.

The lights were on in our house, contrasting with the dark night so we could see into the windows. Mum had moved seat, from the kitchen to our living where she was huddled by the fire trying to absorb any warmth she could into her wasting away figure.

'You okay?' he checks with me, wrapping a single arm around my shoulders in a sort of goodbye hug.

'I'll get there,' I respond quietly, not really giving him a clear answer because I wasn't okay, but I didn't want to worry him with that.

'Well call me if you want, I'm around here for a couple of months,'

'I will, thanks,' I nod softly, opening the door into my house as he turns to walk back down our path. I practically creeping down our hallway as though a noise to loud will blow away my mother or startle her. But I guess that's what it's going to be like now.

It's strangely ironic that I came here to get away from my pain but only found other things to hurt about.

It's only four-thirty, dark falling early as the darkest day of the year approaches us soon but despite the early hour, my Dad is already preparing supper for my Mum. My sick mum who can't cook for herself anymore, who can't even move by herself anymore, who is so close to teetering off the edge.

I have to keep repeating the blunt statements to myself otherwise it just doesn't feel true and as badly as I want it to be a lie, I know it's reality and I need to cope with it.

I pad softly into the living room, embarrassment from my earlier reaction flushing my already red cheeks.

Despite my soft footsteps, both my parents look up as I enter, a frown set firmly on my Dad's face whilst a permanent weariness graces my Mum's. Slowly, she lifts her hand to place it on top of my Dad's giving it a comforting squeeze to stop him getting annoyed at me.

'I'm sorry Iris, I...' she pauses, inhaling deeply before coughing out, 'I didn't want to interrupt your life, you're finally happy there and...' she trails off looking to my Dad for help as her breathing becomes worrying uneven and he double checks her before turning to me and continuing in a tone that suggests he's cross but doesn't want to upset my mother.

'We found out in about August, after we went to the doctor because your Mum was constantly exhausted and feeling bloody awful,' he explains gently, but the tone isn't to comfort me, it's to make sure he doesn't stress out my mother.

'August?' I screech in anger. It had been nearly six fucking months and they hadn't thought to tell me. My mother flinches slightly as the sudden change in volume disturbing the quiet, almost too quiet, house.

He folds his lips into a thin line, anger radiating out of him at my reaction but clenches his fists to contain the outburst he wants to have as he continues almost ignoring me, 'it was cancer, that much was obvious quickly but after more tests, more scans...it was stage four. Basically inoperable at this point and so...' he too trails off and seeing my parents clutch at each other in equal pain hurt me. They were the parents; they were the strong ones and suddenly I had to support them.