Diary of an Introvert

Extra: Insecurities

We're exclusively dating.

Aaaaaah! Shet. Dalawang araw na ang nakalipas pero hindi pa rin mawala sa isip ko ang bagay na yun! Urgh! Tama ba talaga ang pinasok ko? Loooord ~ hindi na naman ako makatulog. Haay

I turned on my phone and checked my Instagram account. As I scrolled down, I saw one of Calvin's photos. 

Naka-plain t-shirt at jeans lang ang lalaking to pero ang gwapo pa rin?! Ang daya. Tapos yung mga kaibigan niya puro magaganda. Para silang mga sikat na model. Hay, bakit ba ako ang napiling pagtripan nito?

Teka nga...kung tutuusin, parang ang bilis ng pangyayari.

Ang sabi ko noon, hindi na ako magpapadala sa mga kagaya niya pero, anong nangyari?! Agad ko siyang binigyan ng chance pagkatapos nung nangyari samin ni Aki.

Ginagawa ko ba siyang panakip butas? Parang...hindi naman....

I fell asleep while thinking about those things.

Kinabukasan, nakatanggap ako ng tawag mula sa kanya.

Him: yahoo! Are you free today?
Me: ahh...Saturday naman so, yeah. Bakit?
Him: Let's have a date.
Me: Date..?
Him: huh? Hoy. Don't tell ma na nakalimutan mong nagdedate na tayo ngayon?!
Me: aaah ~ haha. Sorry. Nabigla lang.
Him: hmm? Hay, kung hindi ka pa handa, it's fine.
Me: hoy. Wala akong...sinabing ganyan.
Him: hm? So you'll go on a date with me?
Me: o-okay.
Him: haha okay! So..hmm, kita nalang tayo sa Ayala Mall? 11 am?
Me: okay...
Him: see you!
Me: Hmm.

After the call, I guess I've been staring at the closet for more than 5 minutes now.

"Anong...isusuot ko?!"

I usually wear a shirt and jeans when I go out ... pero sa date hindi ko alam. Should I wear a dress? Sleeveless top?  Urgh! Bahala na!

In the end, I chose a comfortable outfit to wear. A loose shirt tucked in denim shorts with a sling bag and sneakers.

I don't care kung anong sabihin niya. Kung ma.turn off man siya, mabuti na yong malaman ko ng mas maaga.

Malapit na ako sa mall ng nakatanggap ako ng text mula sa kanya. Nasa entrance daw siya ng mall at naghihintay.

I don't know why...pero parang excited ako na kinakabahan sa araw na to. Aaah~!

The door automatically opened in front of me and I saw him standing, talking, laughing with a beautiful and sexy girl.

Tsk. I wanted to go back but the door was already closed.

"Cee!" Unfortunately, he saw me. He waved his hand and I just went to him. "Hi." He said with a sweet smile on his face. I wonder what's the difference between this smile sa smile niya kanina sa babaeng kasama niya?

"Ah, hi." I too tried smiling back.

The girl approached me. "Hi, I'm Melissa, kaklase ni Calvin noong college." She said with a very bright smile on her face.

I looked at her and wow! Hindi uso ang pores sa babaeng to. Matangkad din siya at ang kinis ng balat. She also has a sense of fashion...unlike me.

"Hi, nice meeting you," I said, making an awkward smile again.

She laughed. "Me too! Okay. Alis na ako, Calvin. Nice seeing you again."

"Sige, ingat ka." Sagot naman ni Calvin.

Tsk. Ang lalaking to?!

"Oy, Cee."

"Bakit?"

"You look like you're jealous." He said, grinning at me.

I shot him a poker face. "Ha? I'm not."

"Hm? Okay, sabi mo eh."

"Good."

"But just to clear things up. Kaklase ko lang yun noon, okay? Magkaibigan lang kami."

"I'm telling you, hindi nga ako nagseselos."

I'm not jealous. Just having some insecurities within myself. Parang nahiya tuloy ako sa suot ko.

"Cee."

"Bakit?"

"Just so you know...pwede kang magselos. We're dating after all."

"Hmm."

Tsk. Yung heartbeat ko nagiging abnormal na naman! Kainis!!!

We watched a movie, did a little bit of shopping and visited some cafes...yet we didn't really talk that much.

We're having dinner at Bigby's when he suddenly stopped eating and shot me a sad look.

"You're really not into this, right? Sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable."

"Bakit mo naman nasabi yan? I'm...enjoying this, too."

"So bakit parang hindi ko makita at maramdaman sa yo yan? You're always looking down at parang nasa ibang lugar ang isip mo. Tsk. You could've just said no when I invited you."

"Sorry, Cal. I'm just..."

"Just..?"

"Confused. Bakit mo ba ako gusto? Sa dami ng magaganda mong kaibigan— magagandang babaeng nagkakagusto sayo— bakit ako? After all, I'm just..."

He took a deep breath and sighed.

"Cee, you should look at yourself properly. Wala akong nakikitang masama kung mas maganda sila sayo. Wala akong pakialam kung maraming may gusto sakin. I'm dating YOU. I chose you. I love you, Cee. Please have more confidence in yourself."

"Hmm."

With what he said, I can only look away from him.

Ayokong ipakita sa lalaking to na masaya ako sa mga sinabi niya. Tsk.

"By the way, Cee." He handed a small box. "Here. Thanks for giving me the chance to date you."

I opened it. Anime stickers?!

"Cal—hahaha. Paano mo—?"

"You like it?"

"Hmm. Salamat."

"Buti naman at ngumiti ka na." He said while smiling at me again.

Shet.
I can't look at him! Tsk.