Diary of an Introvert

59: Wake up

We went home after his proposal and surprised to see his family and mine, waiting at the dining table. They congratulated us and wished for a better future.

I should be happy with the fact that I'll marry the man I love, the one whom I believed was meant for me...but what are these feelings inside me? It's making me sad, worried...and afraid.

Afraid of what? 

Dahil ba na sa pagkatapos ng gabing ito ay bibilangin ko nalang yung araw na magkakasama kami ni Calvin? Is it this hard to let him go? I thought my insecurities were gone? Why do I worry so much kahit alam ko namang hindi ako sasaktan ni Cal?

I tried giving names to the other unknown feelings I have inside me. Tried to find the reasons why I'm feeling this way. I stared at the ceiling of my room hoping to find some answers. 

3:00 am - still, nothing was revealed.

Haaa~ I can't sleep.

Without turning on the lights of my room and the alley, I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. The moonlight became my guide back to my room and as I was about to close the door, a cold wind blew beside me. I froze in fear.

"Cee..."

A woman's voice echoed in my room. 

I opened my mouth and shouted but no voice came out. Then, suddenly, I can't breathe.

"Cee..." 

This time, it's a man's voice sounding like crying.

"Cee..." now it's a kid. "Cee...Cee...Cee..."  more voices are coming in.

I fell on my knees as darkness filled my room. 

There came silence, adding fear to my heart. 

What is this...? Lord, please tell me what to do. I'm afraid...very afraid.

"Eucee."  

It was faint but I'm sure it's Calvin's voice.

"Calvin!" I called out, reaching my hand to no one. "Nasaan ka?! Cal!" 

"Dumating na ang oras, Cee." 

As darkness fades away, petals of camia flower are flowing in the air. Calvin is now standing in front of me.

"Cal!" 

"Eucee," he smiled. "it's time." 

"Ha? Time for what? Teka, wait, I'm pretty sure this is just a dream, right? Last time, napanaginipan kong nagbreak tayong dalawa---"

"Cee." His eyes were sad. "Walang tayo." 

"What? Anong walang tayo? Cal---" 

He came closer to me, lifted my head to meet his gaze. "Please, wake up." He said, shutting off my words with a kiss.

Every thing turned black again and all I can hear were my heartbeats.

---------

I can't breathe properly. It's like something was placed on my nose and mouth. A mask? Probably but, why would I wear a mask? I wanted to take it off but as I start to move my fingers, a painful sting ran all over my body. 

Slowly, I tried opening my eyes. 

It was not clear but I am sure, I'm not in my room nor any parts of our house. 

People in white ran and gathered around me and call out my name repeatedly.

"How's her vital signs?" 

"Nagiging normal na po, Doc." 

"That's good." 

He moved closer to me. "Miss, Eucee Lizares? Naririnig mo ba ako? Try to move a finger kung naririnig mo ako." 

I did what he wanted me to do.

He smiled. I wonder why I can see his smile with these blurry eyes?

"You did a good job, Miss Eucee. Thank you for waking up." 

I felt a sudden pain in my heart as I realized the sound of his voice. 

The memories which I am not sure if real or not, came flashing back, making me shed the tears of sadness and regrets.

It hurts...Calvin.