Diary of an Introvert

32

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One day left and I can see Calvin again.

We were talking on the phone when someone texted me. It was Jeremy.

Napatanong si Calvin kung bakit ako napatigil sa pagsasalita.

"Nagtext kasi si Jeremy."

"Anong sabi?"

"Nagtatanong kung available ba ako ngayon."

"Ha? Hoy, chibs. Alam naman niyang may boyfriend ka di ba?"

"Siyempre naman noh."

"So? Avail ka ba? Pupuntahan mo siya?"

Napaisip ako.

Sa text ni Jeremy, naguguluhan siya sa nararamdaman niya. He's kind of suffering again. Should I go?

"Magagalit ka ba kapag nakipagkita ako sa kanya?" tanong ko.

"Hindi ko siya kilala personally so I don't trust him. Pero... kung palagay mo naman mag-uusap lang kayo bilang magkaibigan, then, wala na akong magagawa diyan. Hay.... pero honestly hindi talaga ako komportable knowing you're with him."

"Hahaha. Heto na naman siya oh. Pinagseselosan mo ba siya?" Biro ko sa kanya.

"Oh? At bakit parang natutuwa ka pa diyan?"

"Yeee. Mahal mo talaga ako noh?"

"Do you really have to ask that? Mag-isip ka nga!"

Hay. Di ko alam kung galit to o hindi eh.

"Anyways, kung nag-aalala ka ng ganyan, I won't meet him okay?"

"Puntahan mo na lang."

"Ha? Pero akala ko ba---"

"I trust you, okay? Pero siyempre bawal kang magpagabi. May pasok ka pa bukas and may date pa tayo pagkauwi ko diyan. At kung ano man ang problema ng kaibigan mong yan... don't stress yourself with it."

"Noted po."

"So....usap na lang tayo mamaya? Shall I call you later?"

"Tawagan na lang po kita."

"Okay. Bye. Ingat ka ha. I love you po!"

"Hehe. I love you rin po! Ingat ka diyan."

After 30 minutes na pag-aayos, kasama na ang pagligo, nagkita na nga kami ni Jeremy sa isang cafe.

He shared his problems and the confusing feelings he had for 2 months now. I listened more than talk.

This meet up made me remember of how we used to talk about eachother; how he used to call me if he's in trouble. After 3 years of no communication and misunderstanding, here we are, talking about life and God, as if I was not deeply hurt by him before.

Siguro nga, may purpose talaga si Lord kung bakit niya kami pinaghiwalay noon.

I tried different ways to ease the pain he caused me before but I guess — time and acceptance — are what we need to fully move on.

Time to fully accept the reality. Time to journey along with God, lifting up to him our pain.

After having coffee, we attended mass and was blessed my God's message again.

It was about His peace. Peace that I personally experienced as I grew closer to Him.

There was a time during the mass when I felt like crying not because of pain but because of His overflowing love for me. Iba talaga kapag galing sa kanya eh. You really can't express it simply by words.

Here, I realized that He used me once again to extend His comfort to someone. Bakit nga ba ako ang hinanap nito at ginustong kausapin? I guess, we're just following the lead of the spirit.

I went home by 8 pm and called Calvin.

Ginabi na ako so he was worried. Mas worried pa nga siya kesa kina mama. Hay, but anyways, I told him only the gist of Jeremy's concern (kasi nga kahit bf ko siya, nangako naman ako kay Jeremy that I'll keep his full story confidential).

"Something came to mind, chibs?"

"Naalala ko lang na...most of the time, alam naman natin ang solusyon sa mga problema natin like how to actually cope with the stress, pero...yeah. We still need someone to remind us of that."

"Which I'm glad to have you."

"Ay? Saan naman galing yan? hahahah"

"Hahaha. Nakakabwisit ka talaga minsan, ano? I'm being sweet po. Pwedeng ganyan ka rin sakin?"

"Ba't nagiging demanding po tayo?"

"Cee? Humanda ka talaga pag nagkita tayo bukas!"

Napatawa na lang ako. "Kidding aside, I'm also blessed to have you. Kahit na parati mong sinasabi sakin na I'm guiding you, leading you closer to God and I'm the answer to your prayers — I can say the same back to you. I never knew that I'll be this blessed to be in love with you."

"Pinapaiyak mo naman ako niyan eh. Hay. Miss na kita. At na mimiss pa kita lalo dahil sa mga sinabi mo. Kainis ka talaga noh?"

"Hehe. I love you po."

"Yeee. Mahal din kita."

This is what I'm trying to point out kanina kay Jeremy.

Let's journey with the Lord, spend time with Him, open ourselves to Him (showing our vulnerability) and just let Him fill us with His love. Magugulat na lang tayo if we see and realized His plans for us.

God bless you, who took the time to read this.