Diary of an Introvert

42: Losing Someone

Two months had passed since the start of our new school year and here I am, got 7 lates within the month.

I feel unmotivated to work especially if I see the faces of the management which I currently have hard feelings with. Minsan kasi ang hirap nilang pakisamahan. Kung dati okay lang akong makipagplastikan, ngayon hindi ko na pala kaya. I wanted to go away from them.

But going away means running away from the problem and that's just being a coward, right? I know I can't change the other people so I might as well change my views to them.

Anyway, yes, I am 10 minutes late again. Why?

I was about to asked money from my mom this morning but I heard her calling someone on her phone and her voice was a little bit shaky— like about to cry. I got worried and waited for her and talked.

Nag-aalala siya sa kondosiyon ng kanyang kapatid— our tito— whom, they're guessing na parang nasa verge of death na.

Hearing this from her made me sad and was about to cry too but I still have work to do so went ahead.

I had my class the usual way, wearing a strict facade in the classroom. Parang kontrabida talaga ako sa buhay ng mga studyante. Lahat nalang kasi dapat tama. Hay.

We ended our class at 12 and I got the time to check my phone for updates or messages. I saw a message from mom.

"Cee, wala na si tito mo. He died this morning. 9:15 am." she said.

My tito and I were not that close but at that moment, I got a lot of flashbacks.

He was a good uncle. And I never thought that last sunday was my last chance to talk to him. I should have talked to him.

Kung alam ko lang na ganito ang mangyayari....

I wanted to cry pero meron pa akong klase so I held it in.

The night came at nagkita kami ni Calvin sa isang cafe.

"Hi, chibs! How's your day?" he said, giving me a hug and kiss on the cheek.

"Hi. Ah.... I...." I don't know why but the tears in my eyes were just flowing swiftly like a river.

"O— oi!  Anong nangyari sayo? Hey— Cee—"

I kind of wailed a little while covering my eyes.

It hurts.... these memories I have with my tito were becoming painful. I know I should be grateful dahil nasa piling na siya ni Lord pero... ang sakit pala.

The pain— I can't even compare it to a break up and a sad anime I usually cry about. If it's part of your family, it's always more than what we imagine.

" Ganito pala ang pakiramdam na mawalan ng pamilya, Cal. Ang sakit..." sabi ko sa kanya.

"My condolences. Pero  ano ba ang nangyari?"

"Namatay na yung tito ko kaninang umaga lang. We're not close pero.... masakit pa rin pala. Cal, I don't even know how to stop these tears. I don't know if I should cry like this."

"Ssshhh...." He gave me a hug again. "Don't hold it in, Cee. Alam ko ang nararamdaman mo. I'm here okay?"

I nodded and he planted a kiss on my forehead.

This day I realized that I really should show care and love to people especially to my family. No one knows what will happen to us and it's very painful to have regrets.

Rest in peace, tito.

*** to be continued ***