Diary of an Introvert

20: REstart

A lot of days after that painful moment in my life, I decided to forget about Aki. Finally. I deleted our past conversations on my phone and my other social media accounts. Others may think I'm overacting (dahil hindi naman naging kami para masaktan ng ganito) but do I really have to give valid reasons para maging logical ang ginagawa ko? I was hurt and erasing some memories was my way of moving on. 

I focused more on my career and (cautiously) gave attention to this guy who keeps on confessing to me. 

A few weeks after New Year, we met in a cafe.

"How was your New Year?" He asked.

"Hmm... okay lang naman. Celebrated it with the fam." I answered as I stir my brewed coffee. "Ikaw?" 

"Kasama rin ang family pero it felt... a little empty. Na-miss ko lang siguro si lolo." 

He was smiling but I have this feeling that he's still sad. "I'm sure masaya naman ang lolo mo para sayo." 

He smiled again and took a sip of his iced coffee. 

"Matanong nga kita, Cee. Hapon na ngayon pero hot brewed coffee pa ang inorder mo. Makakatulog ka  pa ba niyan sa tamang oras?" 

"Ah, medyo inuubo kasi ako nitong mga nakaraang araw so bawal sakin ang kahit anong malamig na inumin. And this coffee actually gives---" 

"Gives warmth to your cold heart? " He continued.

"Ah..." 

"You don't have to deny it. Alam ko ang nararamdaman mo. I understand. Don't worry about me, okay?" 

"Thanks. But let's not...talk about that anymore." 

"Kung nasasaktan ka pa rin kapag nababanggit ko ang pangalan ni Aki, it means may feelings ka pa rin sa kanya. Though I wanted to help you forget about him, I can't force that. It will take time, Cee. Let's say no to pretending okay? It's better for me to see what you truly feel than assuming things." 

"Was it based on your past experiences?" 

He was surprised. "Yes. I don't want to make the same mistakes again as I did before." 

I wanted to ask more  pero parang hindi yata ito ang tamang oras. The atmosphere suddenly became awkward. Hay...bakit pa niya kasi binanggit si Aki eh!

"By the way, Cee." 

"Hmm..?" 

"I feel like kailangan kong itanong ito sayo. Are we exclusively dating?" 

Exclusively...dating? What the heck was that?! Ang alam ko lang courtship tapos if you like him, sasagutin mo na.  What's this exclusively dating..?!

He laughed. I knew. I just knew na alam niyang wala akong alam sa pinagsasasabi niya.

"Cee, it means that....hmm...hay...paano ko ba sasabihin sayo to?  Hmm...parang nasa courtship stage siya but we are only exclusive with each other. Gets mo? So bawal kang magpaligaw sa iba and siyempre I'm also not allowed to see other girls. And at a certain time, we'll decide if we will commit to each other as partners or we'll say goodbye."

"Hmmm....so...does it also mean na nasa 'getting to know' stage tayo? Ganun?" 

"Parang ganun na nga. So?  Are we?"  

"Well...I don't think...it's a bad idea. Okay." 

"Okay. As of today, we are exclusively dating." 

He smiled at me but I looked away.

Shet. Sigurado na ba ako sa pinasok ko? Hay. Bahala na.

*** to be continued ***