Diary of an Introvert

29

*** Pretending Heart ***

"Hoy, Eric! Nasaan ka na?" 

Kasalukuyang magkausap si Nalie at Eric sa telepono. Kalahating oras na kasi kaming naghihintay sa meeting place pero hanggang ngayon ay wala pa rin siya.

"Sabihin mo sa kanya na aalis na lang tayo kapag di pa siya dumating dito after 5 minutes." sabi ko naman.

"Parating na raw. Malapit na..." Binantayan namin ni Nalie ang mga sasakyang dumadaan. Makalipas ng isang minuto, may isang van na pumarada sa harap namin.

Bumaba si Eric sa sasakyan. "Hi! Pasensiya na. Dumaan pa kasi kami sa gasoline station eh. Tayo na. Sumakay na kayo."

Pagkapasok ko ng sasakyan, agad kong nakita si Jeremy. "Bakit ka nandito?" Tanong ko sa kanya.

"Invited din kasi ako noh. Ikaw nga itong parang hindi eh." 

"Wow naman! Hoy, Eric. Ilayo mo yang kaibigan mo sakin ah. Baka sabunutan ko yan." 

Eric rolled his eyes. "Hay. Kayong dalawa talaga. Hanggang ngayon nag-aaway pa rin kayo." 

"Yang best friend mo kasi Eric napaka-arte! Parati na lang ako binubully." 

Bully? Ako pa talaga ha! Ipaalala ko kaya lahat ng ginawa mo sakin?! Nakakabwisit ka.

I really wanted to say my thoughts out loud pero di bale na. I don't want to waste my time with that creature. I plugged my earphones on and listened to IV of Spades song.

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It took us 2 hours from Bacolod to our destination.

Pagkarating namin doon, namangha kaming lahat sa view. Their resort is at the top of a mountain. Kitang-kita ang city sa paanan nito. The air is also clean and the weather is cool at 11 am. Usually sa city, napaka-init sa oras na ito.

It's so beautiful! This is such a blessed place for me.

"Ang ganda dito noh?" 

"Tama! Masaya ako't sumama ako rito." I said and faced the person talking to me. My mood changed when I knew it's Jeremy.

He laughed. "May dalaw ka ba ngayon ha? Ang bilis ng mood swings mo ah!"

" Nakakainis ka kasi. Hmp." sabi ko at umalis na.

"Ang suplada mo talaga!" Sigaw niya.

Ewan. Perfect na sana eh. Perfect na talaga lahat sa place na ito maliban na lang sa isa. Haaaaay.....

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We ate lunch, enjoyed the surroundings, took photos and gathered again to eat dinner. This resort was open for us only. Kasama ko rito sina Nalie, Eric, ang nakakinis na si Jeremy at ang barkada nila. Nandito rin ang classmate ko noong highschool na si Jane. She's the muse of their group. Minsan...feeling tuloy namin ni Nalie, outsider kami.

9 pm, they decided to drink (alcoholic drinks). Hindi ko alam yung iniinom nila dahil hindi naman talaga ako umiinom.

It's still early for me to sleep so I got my guitar and just sat on the grasses near the bonfire. I was humming some tunes when Jeremy sat beside me. He had a glass with ice and a bottle of whiskey. 

Jeremy offered me a drink.

"Sorry. Hindi ako umiinom."

"Hanggang ngayon? Hahaha! We're 24, Cee. Dapat sumusubok ka ng uminom." Sabi niya at ininom ang laman ng baso. 

"No thanks." 

"C'mon! You should try this." 

" Ayoko. " 

"Fine." He leaned to me. "How about I teach you how to do a deep, passionate kiss?" 

What?! I pushed him but he just laughed. 

"Tumigil ka na habang pinagpapasensiyahan pa kita." 

"Hahaha! Acting like a virgin, are you? For sure you and your boyfriend are having thoughts naughty nights too." 

"What the heck are you saying? Ganyan na ba kalakas ang tama ng whiskey sayo ha? Nagiging bastos ka na."

"Haahaha. Binibiro lang kita. Hahaha! Bakit ka ba ganito sakin ha?" 

"Bakit? Ako pa talaga ang tinatanong mo ha?"

"Hahahah! Alam mo--hindi kita gets eh. I'm just joking. Masyado kang seryoso."

"Ah! Lahat nga naman ay laro lang para sayo diba? Just like 3 years ago. Breaking your best friend's heart was never a big deal for you." 

"Teka --- Humingi naman ako ng tawad di ba?" 

"Tawad? Kailan?" 

Hoy! Kahit kailan hindi ka nag-sorry sakin! Bwisit to!

" Hindi ba? Okay then. I'm sorry okay? Masyado lang akong nasaktan at naguluhan noon kaya nagalit ako sayo at tinapos ang pagkakaibigan natin. I was wrong okay? Can't you just accept that? Ilang taon na ang nakalipas, Cee. "

Please define acceptance? Bale wala lang ba sa lalaking to ang nangyari? He doubted his best friend and chose to hurt me. Me who's always there to listen and help him. 

I wanted to hurt him the same way he did to me but my superego won't let me. My conscience is telling me that I should be patient and understanding (again). 

"You know what, Jeremy, you should learn how to things with sincerity---" 

"Now you're telling me what to do? Hah. Never mind, Cee." He drank his whiskey again.

Did I hurt his pride? Damn that pride.

"And I also think na kailangan mo ring makinig sa ibang tao. Matanong nga kita, are you even happy with your life? This drinking habit of yours...yung pagiging playboy mo... and your vices---- are they your escape from reality? Since then, Jeremy. Since then hindi ka marunong magsabi ng totoo mong nararamdaman. Kung gusto mo akong tanggapin na lang ang apology mo, then I want you to stop pretending. Stop acting like a strong, cool man dahil para sakin nakakaawa kang tignan." 

Tumayo siya at ibinuhos sa ulo ko ang natitirang laman ng whiskey na hawak niya. "Are we having a retreat right now, Cee? A counseling session? Hah. Now I feel pity for your boyfriend. You're such a boring girl. No fun at all. Who are you to tell me those things? Kung magsalita ka parang ang perpekto ng buhay mo ah. Hindi mo alam ang pinagdaan ko."

Tumayo rin ako. "Bakit? May alam ka rin ba sa pinagdaan ko? Hah. I'm trying to help you despite what you did, Jeremy. If you choose to stay like this, I can't do anything about that." 

Umalis ako at bumalik na sa kwarto namin ni Nalie.

"Uy friend, anyare sayo? Bakit basa ka at parang...amoy alak? Uminom ka ba?" 

I got my towel at pumasok na sa banyo. "Binuhusan lang naman ako ni Jeremy ng alak, Lee." 

"Ha?! Bakit?" 

"Our usual argument went bigger. Hay...sana nga hindi nalang talaga ako nagsalita. Sana pagkakita ko pa lang sa kanya ay bumalik na ako dito."

Nakakainis naman kasi tong konsiyensiya ko eh. Parati na lang na-iinvolve sa mga problemadong tao. Hay... siguro, I'm not the person who's meant to help Jeremy. Tsss...kainis! Ba't ba ako nag-aalala sa kanya?!

*** to be continued***