Will of the Many~ Poe Dameron

Recalibrate

Give me a few days of peace in your arms- I need it terribly. I'm ragged, worn, exhausted. After that I can face the world...

-Henry Miller

Exhaustion clung to her like an old, familiar blanket. It snuggled into her but she couldn't sleep. No matter how hard she tried, she simply closed her eyes and replayed Ren's lightsaber coming towards her. She reimagined every clash of their blades, every hard tint to his eyes, every word shared between them as they solidified their standings.

She chose the light. He chose the dark.

"I could always ask the Doc for some sleeping meds," Poe offered as she opened her eyes to look at the ceiling.

She shook the suggestion away. "I'm afraid if I sleep I'll have nightmares."

"I thought the meds got rid of the nightmares."

She dropped her gaze to Poe's curious, understanding eyes. "I'm scared that I'll have new nightmares, and that-" she stopped to take a breath. As the air pulled in, her chest swelled and the stitches keeping the wound closed pulled irritably. She closed her eyes and fought through the pain as she held her breath in. When she couldn't take the pain any longer she let the air out and opened her eyes. "That the meds won't help anymore."

Poe pressed his elbows into the stiff mattress and plucked her hand from her lap to hold between his two. He lifted her nimble fingers to his lips and kissed them repetitively.

She smiled as she watched him shower her in small, chaste kisses. "What was it like for you? To have to deal with... everything?"

Poe's lips stalled on the second knuckle of her ring finger. He slowly pulled her hand away from his mouth and lowered it back to her lap where he held it. He cleared his throat as he looked down at their hands with a grimace of deep pain.

"I was more terrified than I have ever been in my life, Serena." His eyes flickered up to hers at his truth. "More than any spice run gone bad or encounter with the First Order. I saw you bleeding out and you wouldn't wake up and I thought that I was losing you. I thought that you were going to die in my arms and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to stop it. Then when I brought you back here-" his head fell as he let out a huge exhale.

She watched his shoulders slump as he crouched over the bed. She wished, desperately, to lift her other hand to run through his curls, but the sling kept it bound to her chest. Even if she didn't have the sling, her arm felt practically useless.

"Your Doc told me that there was a pretty good chance you wouldn't wake up. He told me how Kylo Ren hit some sort of vein that's really important and you should have died. You-" he lifted his head to meet her gaze. "You should have died, Serena. He looked me in my eyes and basically said it was a miracle you made it longer than three minutes. Then he told me that you had so much trauma and blood loss that you might never wake up. I sat by you and waited for you and I had this- this thought that I could still lose you. You made it back to the base and let them stitch you up and somehow you'd still slip away from me." His hands suddenly hardened around hers. He clung to her until their hands shook on her lap.

"Poe..."

"You almost died and one of the last things I did was fight with you." He shook his head angrily. The tip of his nose tinged pink, then cherry splotches broke out along his cheeks and chin as he became overwhelmed with grief. "I was so stupid."

"No." She told him harshly. She squeezed his hand back with all the strength she could muster through her exhaustion and delirium. "You were hurt. And you had all the reason to be. I just-" She took in a shallow breath and quickly released it. "I sort of feel like I got off the hook by getting hurt." She admitted sheepishly.