Will of the Many~ Poe Dameron

Undeserving Apologies

It is so much safer not the feel, not to let the world touch me...

- Sylvia Plath

Serena slowly clenched her fists, then let them loosen by her side. She timed it to her breaths, clenching them with each inhale so hard they shook, then as she released her breath she let her fists go. The sudden release numbed her fingertips as the blood pulsed hungrily to fill the void.

She lost track of the amount of time she stood in front of his door. Doctors, nurses, medical droids all passed in front of her as they attended their daily routine. But she was stuck.

This was all new territory for her. Normally she didn't care who got hurt because of her, but this was somehow different. Though she found Poe to be extremely irritating and profound, he was the one who offered her the do-over. He brought her to the Resistance and gave her a shot at redemption. But now, he was shot and it was all because of her. She thought she could handle the situation but she only made it worse.

She clenched her fists as she inhaled again. She kept the air in her lungs until her chest felt like it was going to explode. Even then she waited just a few more seconds to try and imagine the pain Poe felt when he was shot. Her lungs began to expand on their own inside of her chest. Her body spasmed as it ached for relief. Her lips turned purple at the lack of oxygen flow to them while the vein along the side of her neck pulsed out violently to the drum of her hammering heart against her chest.

She let the breath out as spots littered her vision. Her head spun as she got a surge of air circulating back into her lungs. Her body relaxed with the new air, but her mind didn't stop. The door was right in front of her, two steps in front of her then she would be in his room, she could see him and know he was okay and alive.

But what if he wasn't okay and it was all her fault.

His death would be the hardest for her to burden.

"Miss?"

Serena turned to see a nurse holding a stack of folders.

"Visiting hours are almost over." The nurse's gaze flickered to Poe's door. "If you want to see him, I suggest you do it now."

Serena gulped as she gave a nod.

She looked back at the door. She bounced to the tip of her toes as she geared herself up. Then, before she could talk herself out of it, she moved towards the door.

It opened without her touching it and she moved through it.

She stopped at the foot of the bed as she saw Poe sitting up in his bed. He had a wide white bandage over the entire front of his left shoulder. The bandage extended across his shoulder to his peck and down to his armpit. His shoulder was bent and hung up in a sling that kept his arm pressed into his chest.

Serena's gaze softened as she moved around the foot of his bed to join his side. "Poe..." She breathed out as she stopped by his waist. She didn't know what to do with her hands, whether she should lay them on the bed beside him or clutch onto them in front of her. So instead of doing either she clenched them by her side. "I- I-" She couldn't tear her eyes away from the bandage. In the middle of the white gauze was a small, deep red stain where more blood began to seep through. "I thought I could talk them out of shooting us." She tried to explain. "I thought that- for once- we could get away without having to kill."

Poe made a grunt that finally pulled her gaze away from the wound. She looked into his eyes to see the building, burning hatred swimming along the deep brown of his irises. She had never seen such a true hate in his eyes before. She didn't know he was capable of such hate, but there it was, right in front of her burning a hole so big through her she didn't think she'd survive it.