Will of the Many~ Poe Dameron

Living, Living, Despite it all I'm Living

She never seemed shattered; to me, she was a breathtaking mosaic of the battles she's won...

-Matt Baker

Her left arm ached from the last round of Bacta injections Dr. Mandalo administered that morning. The lasting effects created a surge of adrenaline that both consumed and exhausted her. She felt ready to take on the world, then dive into a deep slumber from which she never wanted to wake. 

It was an odd feeling, but she tried not to dwell on it as her discharge approached. She would much rather focus on being free of the sterile scent of cleaning supplies and the squeak of non-slip shoes against polished linoleum.

Poe, for the first time since she woke up, left her alone as he gathered some clothes from his room to put in hers. While he was away, Kaydel signed all the papers on Serena's behalf and read off all the discharge information aloud. 

"If you have any signs of dizziness, forgetfulness, trouble breathing, accelerated heartrate, blah, blah, blah-" she skipped through the redundant work. "Are you of sane mind?" She asked. 

"As sane as someone like me can be," Serena joked dryly. 

Kaydel huffed as she put Serena's single 'S' as her initial signature. 

"Do you feel well enough to leave?"

"Please." She pleaded desperately. 

Kaydel added another 'S' beside the box. "Alright-" she flicked the holographic work away with the last of her signatures. "I think that's it." She grinned widely as she looked down at Serena's figure. "Are you ready for your grand escape."

"Yes," Serena said, then with the same breath, said, "no." She looked down at her hands. 

While she healed from the last Bacta injection her arm was out of its sling, meaning both of her hands were laying flat over her crossed legs. The gray sheets of the hospital bedding pooled over her knees and dipped down to cover her shins and ankles. The thin material showed off every curve and indent of her feet and legs. The back of her hands laid over the balls of her ankles, showing off the wrinkles and creases of her palms.

She carefully looked over the scar that plagued half of her right hand. The entire butt of the palm was covered in serrated skin that was somehow whiter than her already pale skin. There were odd bubbles that pushed out bunched up skin, but instead of feeling soft and buoyant like a boil or blister, it was hard to the touch, and tight.

She remembered thinking the scar would harden her and make her look more like she figured her insides looked like- more like what her soul looked like. She tried to imagine the scar along her palm spread out until it covered her entire body. Every inch of her enveloped in bubbled, tight skin... maybe then she would look half as hideous as she felt inside. Now, she had another scar to add to the illusion. Her chest was permanently plagued with a deep slash made up of jagged edges and uneven skin. She was one step closer to being consumed with scars- to being just as disfigured on the outside as she felt on the inside. 

"Hey," Kaydel's voice pulled Serena out of her head.

She looked up from her hands to watch Kaydel tuck her hair behind her ears and sit down on the bed beside her. The bed dipped as she carefully turned and raised her left leg to the bed to sit between them. She rested her own hands in her lap and looked from Serena's amber eyes down to her hands. "You okay?"

"No," Serena told the truth. The surprise widened Kaydel's eyes and made Serena laugh. She lifted her right hand to show Kaydel the scar. "I was just thinking... is this how everyone sees me?" She motioned towards her exposed shoulder where the cells in her bicep were slowly regenerating and stitching themselves back together.