Eloping Our Chances [BL][COMPLETED]

06 ; his painful cries

C E V O R – X A V E R I O

Kahit noon pa man, noong mga bata ako, ay masipag at puro ako kung gumawa. Walang trabaho na hindi tinatapos. I was taught to finish my work. I was taught to be a person who's responsible by his own actions.

Senator Ambrosio Montero, the old man taught me how to deceive people. He taught me by his own ways. Señora Felisidad Montero, taught me to be perfect, both in the eyes of the people below me. She taught me that knowing your own position in a game can benefit me. Arnaldo, Amber Montero, and Alcher Montero taught me one lesson and that is to aim high. Kahit sa anong ginagawa mo, be that one person who won't settle for less or good. I was taught to be the best. I wonder what would their reactions be when they'll be the people I'll be deceiving with my games.

"He's awake! Dad he's finally with us!" I can't believe that it could happen to me, waking up on a room full of apparatus and tools connected on my body as people form circle beside my bed.

Kahit sa wala akong maramdaman sa katawan ko ay pinilit kung iulit ang pagbukas ng mga talukap ko. There, I witness people na hindi ko kaano-ano or kakilala man. Hindi ko sila kilala. That's one thing for sure. Wala akong namumukhaan sa kanila.

I heard from the doctor na kagigising ko lang after a long time of comatose. And ng tinanong ko kung bakit? Wala silang sinagot. Through and through, I struggled to stand up and to to raise myself from my heavy past. I was medicated for painful long years for me to be able to regain my strength.

Sa paglipas ng oras at araw, unti-unti ring bumabalik ang mga ala-ala ko. Memories would resurface every time I would close my eyes. I was sleepless without the help of my medications. I was agitated because of the nightmares and flashes of frightening memories in my head. I would wake up early at dawn, screaming because of the intolerable pain in my head!

Wala akong tulog. I couldn't sleep! Nightmares haunt me. Doon ko napagtanto na mas nakakatakot pala ang mga bagay-bagay na hindi natin kontrolado. Yes, I can kill. In fact, I killed numerous and countless people. I was molded into someone brutal dahil sa mga pisteng ala-ala ko. Days and nights, I can feel that something was restraining me. Something that I should have faced earlier. I should have killed those people who caused me pain. I should have tormented them first!

Dapat inuna kong pinatay ang mga taong walang awang tumalikod sa akin sa mga panahon na sobra ko silang kinailangan. Sa panahon na walang-wala ako! My mom's name is a word na pabalik-balik sa pagkakabigkas sa bibig ko. That name would wake me up at night from strings after strings of deadly memories. Through process, mas nalaman ko kung sino ako. People around me are brutal but they also had a heart. Sila ang mga taong tunay kong kapamilya. Dahil sa kanila ay nakatayo na ako at handang bumalik sa nakaraan.

My past is a deadly route. Wala akong maisip na magandang pangyayari. Pilit kung ina-alala ang mga magagandang pangyayari sa akin pero wala.

Rusell Buenaventura. I despise that name more than anyone in this world! Nang dahil sa pamilya niya ay nawala ang pinaka importanteng tao sa buhay ko. He killed my mother. They purposely killed me. I don't have any memories of him aside from the tears and sufferings na nangyari sa akin dahil sa kalupitan niya.

My family did confirm it all. Totoo nga ang mga panaginip ko. No, it's no dream, it was my reality. My world is fuck up! They said when the world fucks you really hard, just moan. But I don't moan from pleasure, I moan with bullets. I don't moan words, I moan profanities!

Alisonne. Lady Gay. Judy Ann. Shawn. And many faceless people on my nightmares. I remembered them all. But somewhat, alam kong kulang 'yon. Lahat ng memorya ko ay hindi pa kompleto. Dahil sa pira-piraso kong katotohanan ay nabuo ang isang taong puno ng galit at pighati.