Eloping Our Chances [BL][COMPLETED]

33 ; abandoned tears

C E V O R – X A V E R I O

Every time I would see myself on a mirror, I would ask myself, 'Worth it ba ang ganito? Will it make feel less of a human? Or am I capable of feeling anything other than greed, hatred, and pain?'

I never imagined myself to be this cruel. Yes, I am a mafia heiress and leader, pero iba eh. People upon my leadership bow and respects me. But I can see the fright in their eyes every time they would look at me. And I hate it.

I don't want it. I hate it. Ayaw kong kinakatakutan. I want them to feel safe with me. Ngunit alam kong ako rin ang gumagawa ng rason kung bakit sila natatakot. Dahil sa mga paningin nila ay isa akong demonyo. Nakita nila kung paano ako ka-hayok pumatay.

They saw the cruel side of me, the MOB leader of the Xaverio clan. Ang lahat ng galit ko ay may dahilan. Hindi ako baliw para pumatay ng walang dahilan. Wala akong mga hakbang na walang idudulot sa akin, sa organisasyon, at sa pangalan namin. Every step, mahinhin pero may daing. 'Yan ako kung pumatos sa mga plano. I don't need to rush things out. I am in control.

Minsan pati ako naguguluhan na sa sinasabi ng isipan ko. Dahil kabaliktaran ito sa mahinang tinitibok ng puso ko. Si Cevor na matalino at dapat isip ang pairalin habang si Cymon na kumakatok sa konsensiya ko.

Looking at myself in the mirror made me reflect my doings and suffering. Nakikita ko sa salamin ang sarili; nasaktan at mapagkunwari.

But when will I stop? Meron bang katapusan ito?

Matatag at hinahangaan ako ng lahat. But I still have my own demons. At alam kong 'di na si Cymon ang hinaharap ko sa salamin. No, it's the demon in him. And I am credited for fueling and feeding this demon.

Masiyado akong nasaktan. Those people had caused me an irreplaceable pain in my heart and soul to the point that I can't even stand on my feet without my mask. I am in pained, I want to unleash wrath!

And so I did. But what is this feeling in me. Bakit ako nasasaktan na makita silang masaktan? I hate it. I should hate them!

I am waiting for their apologies.

At least, ang makita sa mukha nila na nagsisisi sila. Hinintay ko ng ilang taon ang pagsisisi sa kanila but it didn't happen. Pinalampas lang nila ang nangyari sa mommy at sa akin. They tolerated it! Gusto ko ng hustisya sa nangyari sa amin ng mommy pero wala silang ginawa. Silang lahat wala silang ginawa para mahanap ako!

They used me! They made me an item for their names! I am sorry for Cymon for his bruised innocence.

But I'm glad. I can feel the satisfaction. The feeling of a whole because I am the person I am now because of them. I become the name for those who are incapable of fighting back.

Seeing myself in the mirror made me see myself. I can see a demon in white. But I can still see the Cymon I was. Hindi pa siya tuluyang nawala. Siguro may pag-asa pa. I can still be happy... tatapusin ko lang ang sinimulan ko.

I wore the white suit, paired with the crest of my family. Lastly, I put the veil on. I traced the soft silk to its diamond studded laces na nakapalibot sa buhok ko.

For the last time, I look at myself in the mirror's reflection. I look like someone who's innocent.

Truly, looks can be deceiving.

-

"Phoenix." Tinanguan ko si Dracus at nagpatuloy sa harapan niya.

"How are the kids?" I asked at tiningnan ang mga batang natutulog. "Maraming usok na nalanghap ang mga bata dahil sa kumalat na apoy. Mabuti't naisalba sila kaagad ng mga tauhan. They needed rest lalo pa't may galos ang mga balat nila dahil sa sunog. They need monitoring. As of now, they're stable."