Forever.

•Chapter 68•

*Emily's POV*
I woke up at 6:00 this morning. My makeup was smudged everywhere and I only had one of my Toms on. I went to the bathroom and removed my makeup. When I finished, I slowly made my way over to my closet and picked out my uniform. I change quickly, then went back in the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I finished brushing my teeth I applied a little makeup. Then I grabbed my bag, ate breakfast, and walked to the bus stop. Matt wasn't there though. I figured that he skipped today because it was too hard for him. Honestly, it was hard for me too, but I couldn't miss school. The bus turned the corner and came to a stop in front of me. I walked on and everyone stared at me like they saw a ghost. I walked to the back and sat where I usually did with James. I almost started to cry as we came to an abrupt stop at my school. I held in my tears and exited the bus. As I walked out of the bus, people stared at me. They pointed, they gasped, they had all sorts of reaction. I also noticed that Amanda wasn't here either. I tried to find other friends, but there was nobody. Not even Sophia, my friend from the football game, was here. I sighed and went to the bathroom. I decided it was better to wait in the bathroom than outside alone. I sat in a stall and put one ear bud in. I needed music to calm me down. I was listening to Clocks by Coldplay when I dropped my phone on the ground. This resulted in my I pod shuffling to a different song. It shuffled to Not About Angles by Birdy. It was my favorite song. Didn't I here this when... When... I first met James? It was. As if my day couldn't get anymore depressing. I started to cry. What was I doing here? I can't handle this, at least not this soon. I got out of the stall and went to the mirror. I wiped away my tears and made it look like I wasn't just crying then I left the bathroom. I was about to leave when the bell rang. Then I was pushed down the hallway. I finally stopped right in front of my first period class. "Ok James." I laughed to myself. I walked in and sat down. I looked up to be greeted by James as always, but this time it didn't happen. Ok, I need to calm down. I took a deep breath and started picking my nails. I took out my weekend homework and I went on with my day. Nobody talked to me about James, but I knew they were thinking about it. At lunch I sat alone and made things worse by thinking. I started to tell myself that it was my fault that James died. I didn't realize I was crying until the principal came up to me and said, "Are you ok?" I shook my head no and he gave me a sympathetic look. "Do you need to call anyone?" I nodded yes. Then he brought me to the office and handed me the phone. "Take as long as you want." He smiled. I picked up the phone and dialed my moms number. She answered just in time. I told her to come and pick me up and why. She agreed and came within 10 minutes. Once I opened the passenger seat door and sat down, I started sobbing. My mom rubbed my back and told me everything was ok, but I knew it wasn't. How can I live the rest of my life like this. Feeling sorrow every day of my life. Then my mom drove home. I walked to my room and laid on my bed. I just stared at my ceiling in silence, thinking of the impossible; thinking of the 'what ifs'.