Remembering My Mom

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My body burst with happiness but my mind stopped me from doing what I was going to do

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My body burst with happiness but my mind stopped me from doing what I was going to do. I was brave to even consider kissing him. The room swirled from the two drinks I just had. I got the courage to almost kiss Zeus, my best friend, the person I loved. But I stopped myself. "I can't," I said in a whisper. I let his chin go and slowly pulled away.

His eyes were wide and swirled with so much emotion. He averted his gaze and stood up. "I'm sorry I didn't mean...," he cut me off.

"Beau, it's fine. I'm just confused," he raked his fingers through his hair and walked towards the balcony. My heart was still beating fast and my hands trembled.

"Maybe I should go," I got up.

He quickly turned and glared at me. "No! You're not going anywhere. We are going to talk about everything. You're not running away, not this time."

I sat back down as the room swirled, maybe he's right I shouldn't leave but I can't do this, not right now. I might say words I'll regret.

"Beau, you're not the only one that's hurting here. You pushed me away. I never got to say goodbye to you after graduation, what was that all about?"

I stood quiet. I hated myself for doing that to him but I wasn't ready to tell him, not while I'm buzzed. It's not right.

"Zeus, can we just call it a night and talk about this tomorrow," I could hear my words slur and my thoughts jumbled. "I just don't want to say anything that I might regret."

His steel-blue eyes glared at me intensely. I saw his jaw clench and the veins on his neck pop out. "Fine, but we are going to talk about this. I'm going to shower and I better see you here when I come out."

He walked into the hallway and disappeared. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I could finally breathe. He has all the right to be upset at me. I'm the one who pushed him away without an explanation but the time has come to be truthful to him. He needs to know and I need to break free from this torture I've hidden for so long.

My eyes got heavy so I laid on the couch. I slip my shoes off and snuggle with the small throw pillow. My eyes closed slowly and I drifted into a much-needed slumber.

********

I slowly opened my eyes as the sunlight beamed into my face. I quickly put my hand over my face so my eyes could adjust to the light. I was covered in a warm blanket when I noticed a water bottle and two aspirins on the wooden table. I couldn't help but smile at how attentive Zeus was to me. He hasn't changed one bit.

I sat up slowly and then it hit me. The throbbing headache and the upset stomach. I grabbed the water bottle and pills. I popped the pills in my mouth and swallowed them with a chug of water.

I glanced at my bracelet that had M.E. Jr engraved inside my bracelet. I tried to figure out what the initials meant but I couldn't. It was the only memory of whoever dumped me in my parent's footsteps. It has a matching necklace. My mom gave it to me before she passed, at first I didn't want it but my mom insisted I keep it.

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