Never Let Go

Chapter 11: Beauty Cleans The Mind

Tears are falling, blinding me as they go, but I can't feel them stream down my face because they instantly wash away from the warm water that's pouring down on me. I don't know how long I've been standing in the shower for, probably a while because the room has become steamy, but all I can do is think about Katie and how much she's hurt me.

I force myself to stop crying and turn off the shower. After drying myself, I get dressed and go downstairs. I begin to put my shoes on and hear my Mother making her way downstairs.

"Michael?"

I look at her and she frowns.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to work."

"Work?" She raises her eyebrows. "But, you've hardly slept."

"I'll be fine." I shake my head and she follows me into the kitchen.

"I don't think so. You've just broken up with Katie. You're not in the right state of mind to be going to work." She makes a face. "Call them and tell them you're not coming in." She protested.

"I can't do that. It's too short notice and they'll be left short staffed."

"Tough! You're going through a hard time and you should-"

"There are people who are going through much worse than me, Mother." I make a face. "And I want to go to work. I don't want to be sat here crying all day."

She sighs and shakes her head.

"If you feel like keeping yourself distracted with work will help, then fine, but at least let me make you some breakfast before you go? I can make some lunch for you to take too."

"Thanks, but I really need to get going. I'm probably going to be late..."

"You need to eat, sweetheart." She frowns.

"I'll have something at work." I show a little smile.

"Promise me." She gives me a look.

"Yes. I promise." I nod.

"Are you sure you can't call in sick or something? You look so tired."

I walk over to her and hold her shoulders before kissing her cheek.

"I'll be ok. I'll see you later." I look into her concerned eyes, trying my best to reassure her.

She gives me a look and rubs my cheek.

"I hope so." She says softly. "I love you."

"I love you too." I show a weak smile.

MAYA'S POV

"You will one day experience joy that matches this pain. You will cry euphoric tears at the Beach Boys, you will stare down at a baby's face as she lies asleep in your lap, you will make great friends, you will eat delicious foods you haven't tried yet, you will be able to look at a view from a high place and not assess the likelihood of dying from falling. There are books you haven't read yet that will enrich you, films you will watch while eating extra-large buckets of popcorn, and you will dance and laugh and have sex and go for runs by the river and have late-night conversations and laugh until it hurts. Life is waiting for you. You might be stuck here for a while, but the world isn't going anywhere. Hang on in there if you can. Life is always worth it."

Wow. I stop reading for a second and stare at the white wall in front of me as I process every word. I was so hesitant to read this book, but I'm glad I decided to give it a go. Michael was right. Reasons to Stay Alive is beautifully written and it is inspirational. I just wish I believed that life is always worth it. Maybe by the time I've finished this I'll have a bit more hope...