Never Let Go

Chapter 95: More Harm Than Good

For the past week, all I keep seeing is her face. I've tried to talk myself out of it... I keep telling myself I was seeing things. It can't have been her... but I could swear she was real. One minute, we were staring right at each other, and then the next, she was gone. Maybe it was just someone who looked similar, but I recognised those hazel eyes. She might look a bit older now, but she looked just how I remembered. She had her curly honey blonde hair up in a messy bun like she usually did and was wearing light makeup... she still looked so beautiful.

I've tried to forget about it, but I can't. Even if that really was her, I need to let it go. I shouldn't care at all, but there's a part of me that is so curious.

It was hard to tell what she was feeling or thinking... she just looked shocked... in that moment, I didn't really know what I was feeling either. It was like I was frozen.

I've been in my art studio trying to create and take my mind off it, but all I've done is stare into space. I take a deep breath and place my hand on my stomach, rubbing it gently.

I should be thinking about my babies, not my mother, who abandoned me when I was a child. I should be freaking out about having twins, not thinking about someone who couldn't care less about me. I feel guilty that I keep thinking about her. She is not what's important.

I stand up and walk over to the window, gazing out at the overcast sky and the trees blowing in the wind. I hum the song 'Yellow' and smile down at my stomach as I rub it gently.

"I'll never let either of you down." I whisper.

I will never be my mother or my father. I will love my babies to death, and I'll be everything my parents weren't.

I gaze back out of the window and see Michael come into the garden from the house. He walks up towards the studio and smiles when he sees me standing at the window.

"Hey." He said as he opened the door.

"Hey."

"I've finished work, now I'm all yours." He walks towards me and wraps his arms around my waist before giving me a kiss.

I smile and kiss him back.

"You feeling ok?"

"Yeah, just a bit tired."

"Have you painted anything?" He asks as he looks around the room.

"No." I sigh and rub his arm before pulling myself away from him.

"Oh?" He watches me walk over to the chair and sit down. "What have you been up to in here then?"

"Not much." I shrug. "I tried to paint, but I can't focus."

He stares at me for a second before grabbing a chair and placing it next to mine. He sits down and rests his hand on my thigh, rubbing me gently.

"You've been subdued since the scan."

I stay quiet and meet his soft gaze.

"Tell me what's on your mind. How are you feeling?"

"Well, being told we're having twins was a bit of a shock." I widen my eyes.