Never Let Go

Chapter 13: Words Can Sometimes Set You Free

My results came back all clear, which I am so relieved about. I've never had an STD in my life, and I don't plan on ever getting one either. This whole experience has been a true eye opener, though, and I'm worried that this will always stay with me and I might not be able to trust anyone again for a while... Katie really fucked me over. I never want to go through this embarrassment and heartache again.

Last week Maya got taken off of constant observation and things were going really well. We've been talking a lot more too, but this week has been different. It's almost like she's gone back to how she was when she first arrived. I'm worried that if she continues she'll be put back on constant observation, or even worse, be put on high alert. I thought things were going well, and I've seen her mood change over the last few weeks, but something must be bothering her for her to go back to feeling low again. I'll try to find out what it is, but I don't want to push too much.

****

Instead of just colouring, today I've arranged for the patients to participate in clay making. It's their decision if they would like to join in or not, but I thought it would be a nice change for them.

Most of the patients join in and start playing around with the Clay, but Maya sits on her own in her usual place and stares out the window. She wipes away a tear that's fallen from her eye and stands up, heading over to a couple of nurses. I think she wants a cigarette. I've noticed over the last few weeks she's barely gone outside for a smoke, but this week she's smoking a lot more.

She leaves the common room with the two nurses and I keep a look out for when she comes back, but she doesn't.

When free time is over the patients go to their rooms to wait for lunch. I should be heading for the cafeteria now to help with the food, but instead, I walk through the halls, heading for Maya's room to check on her.

As I get closer to her room, I begin to hear little sobs. Maya is crying? I stand in the doorway, seeing her sat on the floor with her back against the bed. Her head is down and her knees are pulled up against her chest while she grips handfuls of her hair and cries quietly.

"Maya?" I frown.

I walk in, but she keeps her head down.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I ask softly.

"Everything." She sniffs.

I sit on the bed and slouch over, resting my elbows on my knees so I can look down at her.

"You're doing really well, Maya-"

"I'm not! Stop saying I am, because I'm not." She pulls her head up and looks at me.

Some of her curls are stuck to her face from her tears and her cheeks are slightly red. She takes a deep breath and shuts her eyes before holding her forehead.

"I really want to hurt myself." She mumbles.

"If you're thinking of hurting yourself, I'm going to have to tell someone." I frown.

"No." She quickly turns her head to look at me. "Please don't. I've just got the nurses off my back. I don't want to be watched again."

"I can't just ignore what you said. If I don't say anything and you hurt yourself, I'll feel awful and it'll be my fault. It's my job to look-"