Never Let Go

Chapter 16: Secretive

"How are you today, Maya?" Dr. Kay asks as she adjusts her glasses on the bridge of her nose.

I think back to last night and how I woke up this morning smelling Michael's cologne over me. I can feel myself wanting to smile, but I try to suppress it.

"Fine." I reply softly, and look down at my hands.

"You seem in good spirits this morning."

I stay silent while she writes something down.

"You've been here for just over a month, and you seem to have settled in now. How do you feel things have gone?"

"Um... ok, I guess."

"You don't sound so sure? Do you feel like being here is helping you?"

I think of Michael and I automatically start to smile. He's done a lot to help me since I came here.

"I'm guessing that's a yes?" She raises her eyebrows and smiles.

I realise I'm smiling and quickly stop.

"You're happy being here?" She asks and writes more stuff down.

I take a deep breath and look around the room.

"I wouldn't say I love being here, but it's what I need." I say quietly.

"That's good, and it takes a lot to come to terms with that. I'm glad you know that being here is the right thing. Where do you see yourself in 5 years from now? I'd like to know if you have any life goals or ambitions."

I widen my eyes and chuckle.

"I kind of just take things day by day... I have no idea what my future will be like. It's hard enough to get through one day, let alone think about what my life will be like in 5 years time."

"I understand that, but it's important that you can see a future for yourself. Tell me your aspirations."

"I don't know? I guess I'd just want to feel free... and happy."

"What makes you feel free and happy?"

"I like reading... and I like art."

"That's great, so maybe you'd like to become an art teacher? Or an author? Have you ever thought about that?"

"Not really... I enjoy reading, but I don't think I could be an author."

"Have a think about it." She smiles. "If your passion is art, there are many art courses you can take. Perhaps that could be a goal for you in the future?"

"Maybe." I nod slowly.

"It's good to think about these things. It shows that you see a brighter future for yourself, Maya. It shows that you see your life is worth living and that this isn't the end, this is just the beginning."

She writes something down and looks through her notes.

"The nurses have said you're doing well and you're sleeping much better."

"I still have the nightmares, but I'm sleeping through the night a bit better now."

"Do you feel like you can tell me about your nightmares today?"

I look down and start picking at the skin around my fingernails.

"Maya?"

I shake my head, beginning to feel sad and agitated.

"It's ok. You can tell me when you're ready." She said as she writes some more notes and looks through some reports. "It says here that you've been spending more time in the common room with the other patients, but usually you sit in your room and read."