Never Let Go

Chapter 65: The C Word

I'm in utter disbelief and in complete shock, so much so that I'm questioning if I even heard Maya correctly. This is what she has been hiding... I knew something was wrong, but this? This is something I can't comprehend, and something I could never have prepared myself for. I never in a million years thought that I would hear that word come out of her mouth.

Cancer...

The dreaded C word. The word that makes everyone's skin crawl. It's evil, and whenever you hear or read the word all you can associate with it is sickness and death.

Maya can't be dying... I refuse to believe it. I won't accept it.

I'm finding it so hard to speak right now. I want to say something and comfort her, but I'm in shock and I'm so confused. Maya's crying, and I'm standing here like a fucking idiot.

Tears drop from my eyes and roll down my cheeks. I move my lips, trying to speak, and finally my tongue works, but I don't manage to say much...

"Cancer?" I said with my voice breaking.

"Yes." She sobs, trying to catch her breath and pull herself together in order to speak. "You know? The killer disease that you can't see. I have abnormal cells that are growing uncontrollably, and it's not going to stop! It's attacking my body, and it won't stop until it's made me sick and weak! It's killing me! I'm ill, Michael!" She cries.

I rush up towards her and grab hold of her desperately as I pull her in to my body. I lock my arms around her and hug her tightly. She clings on to me and clutches my shirt, crying her eyes out in to my chest. She's so vulnerable and scared... I've tried to be strong and hold back most of my tears, but it's impossible. I lose it from seeing her so distraught and hearing her cry like this, and I burst in to tears too.

Maya's crying so hard and experiencing such intense emotions that she starts to choke. She pulls away from me, trying to catch her breath, but she can't. She's having a panic attack...

Thankfully, I know where she keeps her paper bags. I try to remain calm and pull out a chair for her to sit on.

"Hey, it's alright, Maya, sit down and try not to fight it." I said, holding her arms to help her sit down. "You know what to do, baby, breathe slowly and deeply, in through your nose, and out through your mouth."

She shakes her head, still struggling to breathe, so I hurry off in to her room and grab a paper bag from the bedside table. I rush back to her and kneel in front of her as I hand the paper bag to her. She holds it over her mouth and nose, and begins to breathe in to it.

"6 breaths at a time, ok? Look at me while I count, Maya."

Her sad, worried eyes look in to mine and I begin to count slowly. After counting up to 6, she takes the paper bag away from her mouth and takes a few breaths.

"That's good, baby." I said, rubbing her thigh.

She puts the bag back over her mouth and nose, and she takes 6 more breaths before putting the paper bag down. She continues to breathe slowly and deeply, and I'm relieved to hear that she's no longer struggling to breathe.

"It's alright, you're ok." I said softly as I continue to stroke her thigh.

She stares in to my eyes as her bottom lip trembles and tears stream down her cheeks.

"It's ok, Maya." My voice breaks and I pick up her hand. "You're gonna be ok, I promise." I plant kisses over her hand as tears drop from my eyes.

She shakes her head and a heartbreaking sob escapes her mouth.

"You can't promise that." She whispers.

As horrible and as sad as that sounds, I can't... I wish I could, I really do. But, I know that I will do everything in my power to help her and make her better. She's going to fight this and she's going to win. I'm not letting her die.