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I'm experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions right now, that's the only way I can describe it. I'm hit with every emotion possible and I don't know how to handle it.
For so long I've wondered if I'd ever see Maya again and how I would feel if we met again, and I thought I'd feel happy, which of course I do, but I have a mixture of everything right now. I feel elated, relieved, excited, lucky, surprised, but I also feel angry and sad... angry because of the way things ended between us and sad because of how overwhelmed I feel. It's hard to explain... it's a kind of happy sad feeling.
I'm so overcome with emotion that I had to excuse myself and rush straight to the bathroom. I feel a bit pathetic because I've locked myself away and I'm crying over the bathroom sink... this is a lot for me to take in, and all of these strong feelings have come at once and rushed to the surface, and now I've exploded.
One thing that stood out to me when I saw her was that she was wearing the necklace I bought her. I can't believe she still has it, and to me that confirms that I'm not the only one who's struggled to move on.
I take a deep breath and look at myself in the mirror. What am I doing? For the last 2 years I've desperately wanted to see Maya again, and when I finally do see her, I run away and cry in the upstairs bathroom. Get yourself together, you idiot! Man up! The girl you're crazy about is downstairs, go speak to her! This is your chance now!
I wipe away my tears and push myself to go back downstairs. I need to speak to her, but I also have to remember that I'm with Monique now, and she's with Monique's brother... god... this is so messed up. I can't let myself get carried away with my emotions, I need to try and stay some what calm, but that's not easy when I can't even think straight.
"Michael?" Monique catches me just as I reach the bottom of the stairs. "Babe, are you ok?"
I clear my throat and nod.
"Yeah." Is all I can manage to say at this point.
"You don't look ok." She frowns.
"I think I just need some air."
I desperately need some air, and I also have a feeling Maya is going to be outside...
"Some air? Are you feeling sick?"
"I'll be fine."
"Do you want me to get you anything? Some water, or-"
"No, just go and enjoy the party." I show a little smile to try to reassure her. "I'll be ok. I just need a few minutes."
"Ok..." She nods slowly. "If you want us to go just say and I'll let Zara know you're not feeling good."
"No, I'll be fine." I shake my head. "I'll be back in a second, ok?"
She nods and shows a little smile.
"Yeah." She kisses my cheek and I show a quick smile before walking off.
