Never Let Go

Chapter 76: Follow-up

🕊ONE WEEK LATER🕊

My anxiety is skyrocketing while we sit in Dr. Casey's room waiting for her to give us good news, or bad news. Since the surgery all I've thought about is if they managed to take most of the cancer away and if it's spread to other parts of my body... it's been torture waiting for this follow up appointment.

"How have you been since the surgery, Maya?" Dr. Casey asks.

"A worrying mess." I make a face.

Michael squeezes my hand and gives me a warm, reassuring look.

"Oh, ok. In terms of what-"

"I have no idea if the surgery was successful or not. Am I cancer free now? Has it spread? Do I have years, or weeks to live? No one has told me anything and it's been awful! I haven't felt better since the surgery, I've just been in a state of constant worry and I'm exhausted."

"I'm sorry. We know waiting for follow up appointments can be difficult, but we are here to support you. You can always give us a call, or speak with our 1:1 service. Our services are here to help and support you throughout this, Maya. If you continue to feel this way then please contact us and let us know. We can help by providing you accurate information and someone to listen."

I nod slowly and look down.

"I just want to know if I'm going to be ok..." I mumble.

"I know it's been really hard, but I hope to put your mind at rest today. I'm so happy to be able to give you some good news. The surgery was successful, the cancer has been removed and it has not spread."

I didn't even realise I was holding my breath until now. Michael exhales heavily and shows the biggest and happiest smile, looking at me with tears in his eyes.

"That's incredible news! It's the best news we could've hoped for." Michael sounds choked up as he wraps his arms around me and hugs me tightly.

Tears fall from my eyes and I'm kind of lost for words. I wasn't expecting good news... I don't know how I feel right now. Relieved, but, unsure. Shocked...

I blink a few times as I try to process the news and look at Dr. Casey in disbelief.

"Really? A-are you sure?" My voice trembles as I look at her for more answers and reassurance.

"Yes, Maya." She smiles. "Now we can begin your treatment summary and give you a plan that has been made for your long-term care and support. Like we spoke about in a pervious appointment, the treatment plan you will be on will be less aggressive. Further treatment will be chemotherapy which is to reduce the risk of the cervical cancer coming back, and it's used to kill any remaining cancer cells. I'm not saying there are, but sometimes there might be some left behind. You will have regular check-ups to check that there is no sign of the cancer coming back."

"Ok... and how long will I have to have chemo for?"

"Chemotherapy is given in cycles spanning the course of nine weeks. After a cycle is over, you will begin a recovery period to allow your body to recover from the side effects of treatment. You usually have around 4 to 8 cycles of treatment and you will have the chemotherapy once a week. The drugs are usually given into a vein and each session takes a few hours, so it can help to bring some things with you to hospital to keep you entertained."

"This is a lot to take in... I'm kind of overwhelmed and I don't know what to think, or how to feel." I frown, shaking my head. "I-I should be happy, shouldn't I? But, why do I feel numb? All this time I was preparing myself for bad news... this time I've finally been given some good news and that's amazing, but... I feel nothing."