I am...

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Ivy kisses the twins foreheads before leaving them in the daycare and moving to the E.R. There, she checks on some patients when Webber runs into the room and over to her, "Shepherd-Avery, where is everyone?"

She walks over to the nurses station, "Anyone in particular?"

"Well, page everyone now. A plane went down," as soon as he says that, Ivy freezes but he keeps going, "A small one, but it crashed right in the middle of the city."

The phones start ringing and pagers buzz. Thankfully, April quickly runs in and answers the phones as Ivy stays frozen by the desk.

She looks around, before running to a supply closet and hides. Ivy curls up on the floor, trying to keep her breathing even, but failing. She is so in her head that she doesn't hear Arizona walk in and sit next to her. Arizona wraps an arm around her but all Ivy sees is Lexies dead body. Mark, lying on the ground. Arizonas bone sticking out of her leg. Derek's hand open.

She feels the burning of her arm and leg. She hears the screams and the cries and the yelling. She shakes her head, "No, no, no, no."

Meredith opens the door to see Arizona comforting Ivy. Ivy looks up at her sister in law, "There-there was a plane crash."

"I know," she sits on the other side of Ivy, who grabs onto her and Arizona tight.

"But we're okay. Cause it's not us. It's not us, so we're- we're okay," Arizona tells them.

Meredith nods, "We are okay. We are-we are okay."

Arizona asks, "Did you see the guy out there? His leg is severed beneath the knee. Did you-did you see him?"

They nod, "We did."

"We're okay," Meredith reminds them.

"The girl, she can't find her boyfriend."

"We're okay."

Ivy shakes, "There was a girl with burns up her neck, on her face, on her arm."

Meredith and Arizona hug her, "We're okay."

She cries, "I-I can't."

Arizona stands, "There are mothers-pregnant woman out there. I need to help them," she leaves, leaving Meredith with Ivy.

"What can't you do?" Meredith asks her sister in law.

"Operate. All I see is myself cutting into Marks chest, blood pouring out of the tube into the bag. Sewing Derek's hand with a freakin safety pin and cloth and tape. I hear Lexies last words. I can't operate with-with all of this in my head! Why won't it go away?!" She grabs on to her hair, crying.

"Come on," Meredith gets up before holding a hand out to her.

Ivy shakes her head, "No, no, no. I can't. I- Meredith, I really can't."

She stops her, "I'm not taking you to the E.R., I think I have something that can help you."

Meredith leads her to the elevator before pushing the button for the roof. She leads Ivy out there, "Scream."

"What?"

"Scream. Let out the noise," Meredith tells her.

Ivy looks over the edge before taking a couple steps back. She takes in a deep breath before screaming. She let's all of her frustrations, anger, scaredness and pain out. She screams until her voice is almost gone. Her throat hurts by the time she's done.

Meredith smiles, "Feel better?"

"Kind of. But I can't operate. I can't make myself step into that E.R. right now. I'll- I'll just stay away until I'm better. Go, operate. I'll be fine," she shoos Meredith off.

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