HARRY POTTER | ONESHOTS |

(Letter) (Young) Remus Lupin

REQUESTED BY: MoonyandButterbeer

Btw, this is not a part two to the last Remus letter.

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My Sunshine,

I know it seems kind of pointless to send you a letter when I can simply just walk over to you and talk, but I feel like I need to write out my feelings or else it'd be a bit awkward. Not because I don't want to tell you, I do: I just can't seem to find the right words when we're face to face.

Right, now that that'd been said, I'd like to say happy birthday! Yes, I know I told you earlier, but I want to say it again.

I hope you enjoyed your present! I know it wasn't much, but trust me, if I could spoil you, I would. For now, I hope your favourite sweets and a new book will suffice. And don't you dare try to argue. You deserve the world and more, sunshine. I wish I could've given you so much more than I could, but... you know.

Anyways, on to why I started this letter in the first place. Sorry in advance if I ramble or if something doesn't make sense. To be honest with you, I haven't fully been able to comprehend my thoughts much lately. It seems like every day that goes by, my feelings for you grow impossibly larger and I can't quite wrap my mind around it.

I know we've only been dating for a little over a year now, but you fill me with so much overwhelming happiness, more so than we were just friends. You are the light in my life. I see you as my lighthouse during a full moon. You somehow seem to brighten my day every single time I see you, even if it's just for a second when we pass each other in a corridor.

You are so, incredibly amazing, and I hope you know that. For years, I always thought you were pretty, but once I started getting to know you, I realized that, no, you're not pretty. You're beautiful. Not just your looks, but your personality is breathtaking. You are like a breath of fresh summer air. You are like the clarity after a storm. Every single part of you is near perfection. From your eyes, to your nose, to your lips, to your stunning body. Every single day I wake up wondering how I got so lucky to have someone like you in my life. Every single day I wonder why someone like you would want to be with someone like me.

As I said, you are my clarity, but I am your storm. I am such a mess, Y/n. You know that my life has been horrible since a month before I turned 5. You know how ashamed I am of that part of myself, yet you accept every piece of me. You can accept that I am an emotional, depressed, anxious, slightly suicidal disaster, and you help me. You really do.

I'm not going to say I rely on you, that's too much to put on you, but I will say that I am so, deeply attached to you. I want to be with you all the time. Not every second, but most of them. I feel like my feelings for you have grown so quickly which is why I have to stop myself sometimes. I have lowered my boundaries to very few people and you are the one they're lowest for. With you, I want to share everything. All of my thoughts. All of my feelings. All of my heart. Everything. But I can't. I still hold myself back. It had nothing to do with me not fully trusting you, believe me, I do: I just can't seem to let my guard down completely. I just can't. No matter how much I want to, I can't, so, I'm writing this letter.

Call me crazy, but right now, writing this letter, I am completely vulnerable. Maybe it's because we're not face to face. Maybe it's because, when I write, I can release all of my thoughts without seeing any sort of judgement. I don't know.

I know that you would never judge my feelings, but, again, I have trust issues. I still subconsciously push you away because I want to keep my light.

As you can tell, that is why I call you my sunshine above every other nickname. Sure, I could call you love, or darling, but you are too special to give you one of those generic pet names. You are my sunshine. You are the complete opposite of everything I hate about myself.

I once heard James tell Lily that he loves her to the moon and back, as cliché as it is, but Y/n, I'd walk across the sun for you. I'd collect every star from the sky if you ask me to (and yes, I know the sun is a star, but I'd pluck it from the galaxy and offer it to you if you so desired). I'd do anything for you because I love you.

Wow, that's not really how I planned my first I love you, but I'm not going to cross it out. It's true after all.

Y/n, I am so helplessly in love with you that sometimes I think my heart will explode. You have given me so many new and absolutely terrifying emotions that I can't explain, but, for some reason, I want to welcome them. I like that I have them. I like that you have given me these new feelings.

Alright, that's probably enough sap for one letter. Not that I've expressed everything, I haven't even touched the surface yet, but I think we should talk face to face before I go on.

I love you, sunshine.

Remus J. Lupin