HARRY POTTER | ONESHOTS |

(Letter) Hermione Granger

REQUESTED BY: vale1234mann and Ravendor_16

Sorry for not updating sooner, I was unexpectedly busy these past few days :)

~~~~~~~~~~

Y/n,

I'm writing this to look busy because I've done all of my homework and Professor Binns gave us the rest of class to use as a silent work period. Maybe I'll give it to you, maybe I won't, I haven't decided yet, but there are a few things that I need to get off my chest and I might as well write them down and try to process everything.

First, I've been keeping secrets from you: Ones that could either develop or destroy our friendship. I never meant to keep anything from you. I never thought I was if I'm being completely honest. But recently, I realized that, though it wasn't my intent, I've been hiding things from you, as well as everyone else, but it specifically revolves around you.

Second, you were wrong earlier. I wasn't sad or upset about Ron asking me to the ball. I was embarrassed. It's really embarrassing to only be considered because he thought nobody would ask me to go with them. Okay, maybe I was upset, but definitely not because he asked me and I couldn't say yes. I never even wanted to say yes even if Viktor hadn't asked me.

Third, I don't want to go to the ball with Viktor. Yes, he's good-looking and seems nice enough, but he's just... dense. He's pretty much all brawn and little brain. I'm surprised he's even doing mildly well in the challenges, but I'm not surprised that he's third given Fleur's performances thus far. Back to my point, he's not really my type and I regret accepting his offer.

Fourth, okay, this relates to my last point. Will you help me get out of that date? I just can't go to the ball with him. I'm going to be miserable the entire time! Maybe we could just say we'd already made plans to go together and I forgot when I said yes. Wait, that sounds stupid, doesn't it? It's an obvious excuse. Maybe you could pretend to be upset about either not getting asked or someone standing you up and I can excuse myself to hang out with you. Yeah. That's less obvious, isn't it?

Okay, now that all of that's written, I should probably explain my first point. Look, I didn't intend to keep secrets from you. You're always the first person I tell all of my secrets to, but this one... This one's different. As I've already said, it's about you. Y/n I can't stop thinking about you. You're my best friend, but I don't want that anymore. I know that, by confessing what I'm about to, I will be ruining everything, but I just can't hold myself back anymore. I fancy you.

Look, I know it's weird and definitely shocking for you, but I can't help my feelings. You're just so kind and smart AND you're so beautiful. Everything about you is so incredible. I wish I could tame my feelings. I've tried to suppress them. I've tried to ignore them. I've tried to deny them. I tried to convince myself that my feelings for you are how all friends feel for each other, but I don't feel the same way for Harry or Ron. I don't the same way for anyone who is not you.

What is this feeling? Well, it feels like the purest form of happiness exploding at random times in sudden, violent bursts and all I want to do is cry. Not in a bad way, but in an, I am filled with too many emotions that I don't know how to comprehend and it feels so good, but at the same time, I know that nothing will come from them and it crushes me. It's very bittersweet, but I just can't help it. I could simply be studying and all of a sudden, I am overwhelmed with thoughts about you and I just can't shut off my brain.

I've wanted to cry and scream and throw a tantrum because of everything I feel for you, as childish as it seems, but I just can't help it. Not only are we nothing more than best friends, but we're also girls, and I don't even know if you like girls. And even if you DO happen to like girls, why would you ever fancy a girl like me? I'm not enough for someone like to. I'm not the prettiest, I'm stubborn, I'm a know-it-all, I panic under pressure, I'm just not good enough for you. You deserve someone so much better than I could ever be.

You know, sometimes I wonder how we're even friends. You're so wonderful and perfect, why would you want to even spend any time with me when you can spend time with your other friends? I don't understand why you, one of the most popular Ravenclaws who has pretty much everyone trying to befriend you, would want to even hang out with me. I'm only well known around the school because I'm friends with Harry and find myself getting into trouble with him and Ron. I'm so insecure about our friendship because I know you can simply cut me out of your life at any moment and be happier. That thought destroys me, and I know you would say you'd never, but now... Now that I'm writing this, you have every right to be disgusted by me and see me as a freak.

I just wish I could've fallen for someone else because I know you and you will only ever see me as your friend at most. Nothing more, and now, probably less than that. But I can't help but love you for who you are. Everything you do amazes me. Every time I look at you, I get tunnel vision. Everything around us suddenly goes fuzzy and it feels like it's just the two of us. I want to be with you all the time. I want to talk to you and listen to everything you have to say. I want to sneak you up into my dorm so we can just spend time together without someone coming up to you, wanting to take you away from me. When it comes to you, I find myself becoming possessive: A very unflattering trait, but I just can't help myself. I want you all to myself. I don't want you to be distracted, because I crave your undivided attention.

I don't think you understand the true extent of my emotions. The only way I can describe it is that I feel like I'm slowly dying inside because of all of my intrusive thoughts, self-doubt, and insecurities, but all of a sudden, when I see you, it feels like everything stops, and all I can focus on is you. I want you. I NEED you I need your true love and understanding. I need your attention. I need you by my side. I need you to take a chance on me. I need your hand in mine. I need your lips on mine. I need you. I need you, Y/n. I crave you.

Why is it that I started this letter being ominous, then all of a sudden confessing my love? I wish my problems just revolved around the Yule Ball, but it's so much more than that. I feel myself slowly losing my mind because you have taken up every nook and cranny of my mind. You're all I think of in my free time. You're all I think of when it's inconvenient. You're all I dream about. You're constantly in my mind, both my favourite memories of us and all of my fantasies of what I hope we can be.

If, for some reason, I decide to give you this letter, don't be surprised if I ran away immediately after handing it to you. Also, please don't hate me after this, I don't think I'd be able to forgive myself if I destroyed our friendship for telling you exactly how I feel. I'd just prefer it if you don't mention this if you don't feel the same way. I'd rather suffocate in my own feelings than watch you leave me.

I'm sorry that this is completely out of character, but I just needed to get everything off my chest. I hope you aren't mad at me.

Class is about to end, so I'm going to leave it at this: I truly love you and I hope you feel the same about me.

Sincerely,

Hermione