Holding On With Maybe (Holding On Series #2)

17

"You know I love you so."

It's been 4 years of hiding Bobbie's secret and half of it unfolds now, at least, for Timothy.

We were outside the emergency room, sitting beside each other. Kakapasok lang ni Bobbie sa loob and I'm biting off my nails as my knees shake. Kanina pa ako nakatingin sa pintuan, hinihintay na may lumabas. Bakit ba ang tagal nila sa loob?

"Hey."

I stopped biting my nails when he pulled my hand towards him. My eyes landed on his hand, holding my wrist before my eyes went to his. Dahan-dahan niyang binitawan yung pulso ko nang makita niya ang saglit kong pagtingin doon sa kamay niya. Napunta na rin ang atensyon niya sa pintuan at sumandal sa kinauupuan niya.

"If you're going to tell me to forget what just happened, I'm sorry, but I won't, and please calm down, kinakabahan na rin ako sa'yo."

Hindi ko inalis ang tingin ko sa kanya. I know he heard every detail that I told Bobbie's doctor. I know he also heard what I told Mama over the phone. I know he heard everything he needed to know about Bobbie's case.

There's no reason left for me not to tell him.

"Is this the reason why you're so careful around Bobbie?" He suddenly asked, looking at me again. Worry was evident on his face. "That she's sick?"

I couldn't find my voice to answer his questions, so I just nodded at him, and averted his gaze. I stare at my hands as they fiddled. I can't look at him back for too long, he's making me more nervous.

"Kailan pa?" Tanong niya ulit.

"4 y-years ago."

"Sa dami namin na kaibigan niyo, sinolo mo 'to? Sinolo niyo 'to ni Bobbie? Wala pa rin bang alam si Callixto?" Sunod-sunod niyang tanong, ramdam ko rin ang pag-aalala niya sa tono ng pagsasalita niya, at mas nanghihina ako dahil doon.

"Odi," I called him. There was a long pause because I was gathering my strength to look at him back. I bit my lip, trying not to let my tears drop. His questions were like a knife stabbing me, hindi ko masagot kasi bakit nga ba namin 'to kailangan solohin?

I was holding back my tears as hard as I could, but then my tears betrayed me. I can't believe that I'm slowly being vulnerable in front of him. I can't believe that I'm letting myself be seen on my weakest.

"Kung ako lang," I gulped. "Kung ako lang ang masusunod, matagal ko nang sinabi sa inyo," I paused as I stare at him. "It's never my choice to hide it from you or from everyone. It's Bobbie's will.

I've been trying to understand her reason. It's true that it's fine with me, as long as she's okay, but every time this happens, I always have that urge, that guilt deep within myself that this shouldn't happen at all if people knew about her case. Alam ko naman yung pagkakaiba kung alam niyo 'to."

Umiwas na ako ng tingin sa kanya nang sunod-sunod nang tumulo ang mga luha ko. Pinahid ko yun isa-isa pero ayaw nilang tumigil, hanggang sa inabutan na niya ako ng panyo.

"Ngayon, hindi mo na kailangan mag-isa o solohin 'to," sabi niya habang pinapahid ko yung mga luha ko. "Wala ka ng rason para makonsensya dahil nandito na ako. Sasamahan kita sa pagbabantay kay Bobbie, hindi ka na nag-iisa. I won't ask for your permission Aly. This time, I'll help you, whether you like it or not. Dito lang ako."

Hinawakan ni Timothy yung kamay ko na nasa binti ko at pinisil yun. Everything that he said and did was like reassurance and my tears continued to flow as his words sink in.

He's here.

My heart did not stop from beating erratically. You really can't tell if something is true unless it happens.