Holding On With Maybe (Holding On Series #2)

26

"Lagi't lagi kaming nandito para sa'yo."

It's so obvious that I wanted him back, but it was absolutely difficult to do so. Every time I'm trying to, I always find myself afraid of the thought that... what if he doesn't want me back?

I really wanted to walk forward to him, only to see myself taking steps back just because I'm scared. Surely, I still was, a coward.

Just as what happened just now. As soon as he walks out of the columbarium, I wanted to walk towards him. To follow him, to make him listen to what I'm about to tell, but I halted after my first step and even took several steps backward.

And when he's already out of my sight, as if on cue, a tear began to drop.

"I'm sorry, Bobbie," I mumbled before I step away and leave the place after minutes of silence. Bakit kailangan pa na dito niya ako saktan?

Nang makapasok ako sa loob ng kotse ko, isinandal ko ang noo ko sa manibela, at tsaka ko lang hinayaan pumatak nang sunod-sunod ang mga luha ko.

Let me act like you didn't wreck me, like I didn't even know you, at all.

Those words, Timothy said it like he's holding a knife, stabbing me through my chest, as slowly as he could, so it would hurt more.

I'm still not giving him weapons, yet he's already striving to kill me. I didn't recognize that he's capable of doing that on his own.

Or maybe, I didn't realize that I already gave him weapons before, I just didn't felt it yet because he has no intention of hurting me.

I was almost about to doze off after the crying that I did when I heard someone knocking on my car window. Dahan-dahan akong napaangat ng tingin at nakita ko si Vaughn sa labas, he waves his hand with his usual smile plastered on his face.

Agad naman akong umiwas ng tingin at pinahid yung mga natuyong luha sa pisngi ko gamit ang palad ko, pero alam ko naman na kahit anong gawin ko ay halatang umiyak ako. Binuksan ko ang bintana ng sasakyan ko at sumilip naman doon si Vaughn.

"Galing ka kay Bobbie?" He asked.

Tumango ako sa kanya. "Ikaw?"

"Papunta pa lang," aniya.

"Ah... Sige," sabi ko sa pagod kong boses at tumingin sa harap ng sasakyan ko.

"May iba ka bang pupuntahan ngayon?"

"Ha?" Napalingon ulit ako sa kanya, hindi gaanong narinig yung sinabi niya.

"Inaayos namin yung venue ng art exhibit namin next week, gusto mong sumama?"

"Pwede ba ako roon?" Tanong ko dahil magandang ideya yun lalo na ngayon, ayoko rin naman magmukmok, tsaka first time ko rin makakapunta sa isang art exhibit.  

"Oo naman." Vaughn nodded. "Hihintayin mo na ako o uuna ka na roon?"

"Hintayin na lang kita," sabi ko.

Nang makaalis si Vaughn ay sinubukan kong ayusin ang sarili ko. Kinuha ko yung scrunchie ko sa bag at inipit ang buhok ko na sinuklay ko ng maayos. Nakasuot pa ako ng uniform ng company kaya kinuha ko yung gray na blazer ko na nasa backseat, lagi akong may dalang ganoon just in case magkaroon ako ng biglaang lakad lalo na't galing pa ako ng company. Habang nag-aabang ako kay Vaughn ay pilit kong kinakalimutan yung nangyari kanina.

Kailangan kong kalimutan na nagkita kami ni Timothy, na sinaktan niya ako sa mga sinabi niya, na umiyak ako, na hindi ako okay.

Ilang minuto ang nakaraan nang matanaw ko si Vaughn, tumunog ang phone ko, at nakita kong nag-chat siya sa'kin. Sinend niya sa'kin yung address kung saan kami papunta. Pinauna ko siyang makalabas ng parking lot at tsaka ako sumunod sa kanya.