Holding On With Maybe (Holding On Series #2)

28

"Kapag pala gusto ko ng distraction ay dito pala dapat ako pupunta."

We were already in the middle of drinking, ang dami na rin namin napag-usapan, mostly mga memories noong high school at college pero kahit kung saan-saan na nakarating ang pinag-uusapan namin, bumabalik at bumabalik pa rin kami roon sa nangyari kanina. All of them can't still move on.

"Name guys! Drop niyo na yung pangalan," Carl pleaded. Kanina pa sila nagtatanong kung sino yung lalake at walang sumasagot sa amin ni Luther. Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi nagsasalita si Luther, kaya hindi rin ako sumasagot. Hindi naman kasi importante talaga. "Wala naman kaming gagawin. Gusto lang talaga namin malaman kung sino. Grace?" Carl turned to me.

Tumingin ako kay Luther, obviously asking for help, and he just shrugged at me while drinking from his red cup. Tinignan ko sila Callixto, Vaughn, Mau, Ken, at Timothy. Pakiramdam ko naman, hindi na nila matatandaan kapag sinabi ko sa kanila kung sino yung lalake dahil lasing naman na sila.

"Arlan Dela Fuente," I told them.

Pero nawala rin ang atensyon nila sa sinabi ko nang masamid si Luther, mabilis siyang inabutan ni Ken ng tubig habang nagpaalam naman si Timothy na lalabas daw muna siya. Hindi ko alam kung nagkataon lang ba yun pero isinawalang bahala ko yun at uminom na lang din.

Hanggang sa kanya-kanya na ng higa sa sofa at sa sahig yung mga lalake, nagpahatid naman si Mau sa kwarto ko dahil inaantok na raw siya, at pagkatapos nun ay nagsimula na akong magpulot ng baso at bote. Hindi talaga ako uminom masyado dahil kailangan may mag-asikaso rito.

Pagbalik ko sa common area para kunin pa yung mga natitirang bote, tsaka ko napansin na wala si Timothy. Hindi pa rin ba siya nakakabalik noong nagpaalam siyang lumabas kanina?

Tumingin ako sa paligid hanggang sa napahinto ako roon sa pinto ng unit ko at nakita kong bahagya yun nakabukas. Naglakad ako palapit doon at sumilip ako sa labas mula sa pagkakabukas nung pinto. Nakita ko si Timothy na nakasandal doon sa dingding habang may kausap sa phone. Aalis na sana ako para bigyan siya ng privacy pero may narinig akong pamilyar na pangalan.

"I'm not that drunk, Art," he stated. "I can come over now so that I can still attend my classes tomorrow and also to stop you from worrying about me skipping classes."

At that, I immediately walk away from where I am standing and continued to clean up. I tried to distract myself from all the thoughts that want to occupy my mind. I refuse to entertain it all, it feels... suffocating.

After cleaning the common area and set pillows and blankets for my friends, I went to the sink and started to wash some plates and utensils we used earlier, and while I was doing that task, I suddenly felt someone's presence. Hindi ako lumingon at nagpatuloy na lang sa ginagawa ko.

"Alyson," I heard him call. "Will it be fine if I left you all here?"

"Sabihin ko na lang sa kanila na umuna ka nang umalis," mabilis kong sagot habang nakatalikod pa rin.

"Will you be fine?"

Napatigil ako sa ginagawa ko, matagal kong tinitigan ang mga basa kong kamay, bago ko nahanap ang sarili ko na humaharap sa kanya.

"I am fine," I said in a monotone.

He looks away as he bit the inside of his cheek and nodded. He's acting as if he's already expecting me to say that.

"I'll go then," he said after a long pause. "You can text me or call... anytime if something happens. I can assure you that I'll come running," he added before he walks out from my sight.

I held my chest as my heart started to beat erratically. He's really not Timothy if he can't make me feel in danger and safe all at once.

---