Holding On With Maybe (Holding On Series #2)

25

"I fell, hastily and deeper than what I expected."

The next days were bizarre, I became busy with the projects I have and I often found myself going home late at night. Madalas na lang din akong umorder sa mga fast food chain ng makakain ko dahil wala ako sa wisyong magluto kapag pagod.

Nang dumating ang Linggo, maagap pa rin akong gumising dahil ito naman ang panahon ko para pumunta sa site nung cabin. Pagkatapos kong maligo at magbihis ay nag-check ako ng emails ko habang nag-aalmusal, matapos yun ay tsaka ako nagtungo papuntang Antipolo.

"Magandang umaga po Engineer!" Bati sa akin ng ilang construction workers na nakakasalubong ko. Binabati ko rin sila pabalik hanggang sa makalapit ako roon sa malaking puno sa tabi.

"Agap mo naman Henderson," bungad ko kay Callixto nang makalapit ako sa kanya. Siya agad ang una kong nakita nang mag-park ako. Nakasandal siya doon sa puno habang nakaupo at may binabasa na pamilyar na journal.

Tumingin-tingin pa ako sa paligid, mayroon ng frames yung cabin, pero hindi ko pa nakikita yung itsura na nasa sketch ni Vaughn.

"I barely slept last night," he answered while closing the journal and laying it on his lap. "So, I just decided to come here this early."

"And read Bobbie's journal under this tree." I pointed to the tree as I sit beside him. "Miss mo nanaman siya?"

He smiled. "I never stopped doing so."

I smiled too. I still find it surprising whenever Callixto says things about Bobbie. It's not that I doubt his feelings for her. It's just... for someone who hasn't been love in a romantic way? I find it hard to digest that kind of love does exist. The love that Callixto and Bobbie have.

"Wala ka na talagang planong magmahal ulit?" I carefully asked. "We both know that Bobbie wants that for you, right?"

Callixto nodded while gazing at the sky. "I know... and to assure you, I did try." He looks back at me and laughed briefly. Hindi niya pa yun sa akin nababanggit!

"Last year in California," he continued. "But it never worked. I've come to a realization that if I'll push through that, giving off my half-baked feelings for her, I'll just be unfair, and I don't want that Grace. No one deserves a bare minimum love," he sighed. "It's just a huge part of me, really belongs to Bobbie, always."

"Callixto," I called him. 

"Yeah?"

"How did you deeply fall for a love that is rushed? I mean, from the very beginning, you barely knew Bobbie and same as her to you. I just... want to know. I've been really curious." I looked away and stared at the sky.

We became silent after that. I don't know if Callixto was taken aback until a few minutes passed when he spoke and left me dazed.

"Feelings are not something we can easily hold back. When I started to get to know Bobbie, there's something about her that made me love something that I thought I'd hate forever, and all at once, I fell, hastily and deeper than what I expected," he explained.

I continued to stare at the sky as I try to absorb what Callixto has told me.

Hold back.

For years, I've been doing that. It's true that it wasn't easy. Holding it back, controlling it, and even hiding it.

"Can I ask you something, again?"

"You're already asking, but sure – shoot."

"How does..." I stammered. "How does it felt like to be in love?" I glanced at him.