Holding On With Maybe (Holding On Series #2)

32

"Stop making yourself conclude about the things that are not confirmed yet."

I was carrying the arranged flowers I bought from the flower shop earlier as I stepped inside the columbarium. Timothy texted that he's already on his way, hindi naman niya sinabi na hintayin ko siya kaya dire-diretso na ako kung nasaan yung place ni Bobbie.

Agad kong binaba yung bulaklak na dala ko nang makarating ako roon. Tahimik akong nagdasal at kinausap si Bobbie habang hindi pa dumadating si Timothy. Hindi ko alam kung anong tumatakbo sa isip niya at sinabi niya kahapon na sabay na raw kami pagpunta sa bahay. I even commuted today because he said we'll use his car.

I can't help but keep wondering because one day, he doesn't want me around, and now, he seems like he wants me around. What's going on between me and Timothy is surely complicated.

Bobbie, is this how you felt before? This is making me crazy.

I somewhat chuckled from that thought. If Bobbie's here she'd probably tell me all her I told you so for me.

"What's funny?"

I pressed my lips together as I recognized who conversed. It's so embarrassing because I usually do expressions as if Bobbie's really in front of me, having a talk with me. I massaged my forehead as I try to avoid his presence.

But after a minute, I took a quick glimpse of him and saw that his eyes are already closed and his lips are muttering. He's probably praying now, so I just stood beside him silently as I wait for him to finish.

But I took a seat at the bench behind us because he's taking long.

"Are you done?" He asked after long minutes of him facing Bobbie's niche as he sits beside me.

"Are you?" I asked instead of answering him.

He nodded at me. "You came here alone or you came with your parents?"

"I came here alone," I repeated the prior. "I saw these bunch of flowers when I arrived." I motioned to the flowers in front of us. "I bet they visited her earlier than I was," I added.

"The flowers are for sure from Calli and our friends," he replied.

Tumingin ako sa kanya at ganoon din siya sa akin.

"Paano ka nakasigurado?" Nagtataka kong tanong.

"Callixto's always the earliest one, he visits Bobbie the night before, our friends are the next ones as they visit her as soon as this place opens, I visit Bobbie after lunch, and your parents usually visit her before the columbarium closes," he explained. "Alam ko lahat ng yun kasi..."

Mukhang hindi niya kayang dugtungan yung sasabihin niya kaya tinapos ko yun para sa kanya. Why do I even always have to do that?

"Kasi hindi ka naman nawala sa tabi nilang lahat." Umiwas ako ng tingin at humarap sa gawi ni Bobbie. "You don't have to contemplate on whatever you're going to say, especially if it's true."

Ilang minuto ang lumipas at hindi na siya nagsalita pang muli, pakiramdam ko ay may nasabi akong mali, pero alin doon? Totoo naman lahat ng sinabi ko. Halos sampung minuto pa kaming nanatiling nakaupo roon sa bench bago nag-aya si Timothy na pumunta na kami ng bahay. Saktong nag-text na rin sa akin si Mau na kami nanaman daw ang kulang.

Pagsakay ko sa passenger's seat, napatingin ako sa rearview mirror at nakita ang laman ng backseat ng sasakyan niya. Napalingon ako roon para makita ng maigi at nakita kong iba't ibang pagkain yun na nasa bilao. It was mostly kinds of pasta.

Ramdam kong umupo na si Timothy sa driver's seat at nang mapalingon ako sa gawi niya ay nakita kong nakatingin na rin siya roon sa mga pagkain.

"I brought those on Bobbie's first death anniversary," he mentioned as he looks at me. "Nagustuhan ni Tita Rachel. Since then, it kind of became a tradition."