Holding On With Maybe (Holding On Series #2)

33

"I should really stop myself from getting my hopes high."

Halos magdadalawang buwan na ang nakakaraan noong masimulan yung cabin at habang pinagmamasdan namin ni Callixto yung progress ng construction, mas lalo lang akong nae-excite na matapos na yun dahil nagkakaroon na siya ng itsura.

Naiinip na ako pero ayokong iparamdam yun sa mga manggagawa namin dahil baka madaliin nila ang pagtrabaho nila sa cabin at hindi ko gugustuhin ang kalalabasan noon.

"Does anything happened after the celebration?" Callixto suddenly asked.

"Like what?" I asked while my gaze is still in the cabin. I really couldn't remove my eyes from it, from all the projects that I have on my plate, this one's really my favorite.

"You texted me last night that you took my advice and I asked you what happened, but you didn't reply," he reminded.

Napatingin ako sa kanya dahil doon.

"About that..." I paused. "I asked Timothy about the talk we had that night."

"And?"

"Hindi niya sa'kin sinabi directly yung pinag-usapan namin. Sinabi niya lang na kung ano man yung pinag-usapan namin, dapat niyang ihingi ng tawad sa'kin."

"Wait, what?" Naguguluhang tanong ni Callixto habang nakakunot ang noo sa akin. "Humingi siya ng tawad sa'yo?"

Tumango ako kasabay ng pagsinghap ko. "He said he's sorry for making things harder for me when I just saved myself? Something like that." I turned to Callixto. "I think we talked about the past, I'm not sure."

"Well, at least you have an idea now," he said. "Did you also confirmed if he's taken?"

"No." I shook my head. "I'm too scared to know the answer."

"But that answer is the sign for you to either hope that the two of you can be together or just move the hell on because you can't be with him," Callixto explained.

"Right," I sighed.

"It's his and Luther's graduation in a few weeks," he mentioned. "Maybe that's the right time for you to verify that."

Callixto and I became silent after that, I was pondering about what he said. Part of me wanted to know the answer but deep inside, I don't want to, because perceiving what we talked about that night made me reflect.

That maybe everything he's doing right now is just him... apologizing to me. Maybe, he's being nice because he's guilty of what he acted when we met again after years and not because he wants to or he has feelings for me.

And if that's all true then, I don't know if I'm able to withstand the pain it would cause or the pain of proving that he already has someone else.

It would all presumably be unbearable and the most painful part is... I got nothing else to do and have no choice left but to move on.

---

I was walking out of the board room while massaging my forehead because even before the meeting started, I already feel so unwell. Muntik pa akong matapid paglabas ko ng pintuan, huminga ako nang malalim bago ako nagpatuloy sa paglalakad, dumiretso ako sa cubicle ko at isa-isang niligpit ang mga nakakalat kong gamit doon bago ko kinuha yung bag ko.

Napagdesisyunan ko nang umuwi dahil alam kong hindi ako mapapakinabangan ngayon sa trabaho, nang makita ko sa Mau bago ako pumasok ng elevator ay sinabi ko sa kanya na ipagpaalam ako na uuwi muna ako ngayon dahil masama ang pakiramdam ko. Gusto niya pa sana akong ihatid pero tumanggi ako dahil bago ko siya imikan ay nakita kong nakakunot ang noo niya sa blueprint na hawak niya.